tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7942134383196754772024-03-14T04:52:24.009+00:00FortySomething FirstTime MumA Change of Life as I hurtle towards same!fsmumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06594381836263987490noreply@blogger.comBlogger93125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-794213438319675477.post-70423533026411250862014-07-03T13:41:00.003+01:002014-07-03T13:41:20.601+01:00Article in the Irish Independent Newspaper Featuring Guess Who?I am delighted to share with you a great piece written by Heidi Scrimgeour. If you scroll through the arrows on the photographs, you will be able to see a photo of us!<br />
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www.independent.ie/life/family/mothers-babies/how-your-fertility-is-far-from-over-at-40-30398916.htmlfsmumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06594381836263987490noreply@blogger.com31tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-794213438319675477.post-29785846298968677692014-07-03T13:31:00.001+01:002015-02-01T16:16:04.429+00:00I'm a Forty Something First Time Mum<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #630029;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As you can guess from the title of my blog, I am a forty something first time mum. I’m an Irish Mammy albeit a modern Irish mammy and not the kind that Brendan O Carroll portrays in his series, <a href="http://www.rte.ie/tv/programmes/mrsbrownsboys.html">Mrs Browns Boys</a>. That is something I can only aspire to!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgqS-GbvWajU9aPb33fG3K4cvTx0bYXTF0z4590KWDJ7H4VnDgsdESbIYBYD45fKniZFTCxKx6Ie4L25XQHME-KykYmGTWgkGNlx6Bn9Zf5xnXZ55YYzUm68xVH1bscSgT0gGXwBkpNY0O/s1600/Instructions+not+included+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgqS-GbvWajU9aPb33fG3K4cvTx0bYXTF0z4590KWDJ7H4VnDgsdESbIYBYD45fKniZFTCxKx6Ie4L25XQHME-KykYmGTWgkGNlx6Bn9Zf5xnXZ55YYzUm68xVH1bscSgT0gGXwBkpNY0O/s1600/Instructions+not+included+3.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #630029;">Here in Ireland 'Mammy' or ''Ma are terms we use most frequently but 'Mum', 'Mom' 'mummy' are all acceptable too. I don’t mind what I’m called as long as it’s not ‘geriatric Mum’. This is a term I have heard a few times since I had my child!</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #630029;">I’ve also been told that I am, what is referred to in medical speak an ‘ Elderly Primigravida’. Apparently this is a woman who has a child for the first time over the age of 35. I thought ‘elderly’ meant you were well past middle age and approaching your twilight years. Apparently this is not the case for people like me!</span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="color: #630029; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I read that one of my favourite presenters <a href="http://www.goss.ie/2015/01/rte-star-maia-dunphy-expecting-a-baby-boy-but-admits-i-wanted-a-girl/">Maia Dunphy</a> is pregnant now at age 38. From some of what I read she seems to feel she is at an advanced age to be having a baby for the first time. She said in an article that she was worried about what people might think of her having her first baby later in life.</span><span style="color: #630029; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> I suppose some people will feel that 38 is 'later in life', especially if they are referred to by some of the names above.The presenter Maura Derrane had her child in her forties and I am sure there are a host of other people older than Maia who know it's not too late. I, myself, was four months off my 42nd birthday having my little boy.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #630029;">I decided to start this <a href="http://stayathomemoms.about.com/b/2010/11/05/mom-blogger-of-the-week-forty-something-first-time-mum.htm">blog </a>back in 2010. I thought it would be therapeutic for me. I thought it would help me to connect with other older first time mothers. I was lucky in that I did meet one other mother in the same situation as me. She was forty when she had her son two weeks before I had mine. We didn't meet up as often as I would have liked but even now, seven years on we are firm friends, as are our boys. Through this blog, not only did I connect with other older mothers but I connected with mothers of all ages. I realised that most of the challenges facing mothers are the same, no matter what our age. However, I was happiest to 'meet' other mums who were in the older bracket, especially the blogging Mums! (put in blog names here)</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #630029;"><br />It can be a lonely business being a forty something first time mum. </span></span><span style="color: #630029; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Many of our friends have much older children and are at a different stage of parenthood than we are.</span><span style="color: #630029; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> When your child is a toddler and before preschool, you don’t meet many other mums. I decided to join a mother and toddler group to counteract this. The facilitatior asked me if I was the 'Nana' (grandmother) or the mother. I vividly remember all eyes turning to look at me and how my spirits dropped. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #630029;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I realised then that I was at least ten years older than the other mothers there. I had thought that I looked young but that question and the youth of the other mothers dashed my illusions. My little boy didn’t seem to want to join in with the group activities (how's that for solidarity) and in light of how I then felt, I took it as a sign not to return. I knew that being part of a group that looked upon me as the oldie wouldn’t help with my predicament.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #630029;">You may wonder, if I was so worried about being an older mum, why I left it so late. There were many reasons, mostly to do with insecurities and wrong perspective on life. I did not want to be poor, trapped and miserable as had happened to many women of my mothers generation, and also to some of my peers. And so, I spent my twenties and thirties in a partying haze, pushing kids to the very bottom of my list.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #630029;"><br />I married at the age of 34 still uninterested in having children. We both had decent full time jobs and enjoyed going away, drinking and going out for meals. I didn't believe in the biological clock or that it would ever tick for me. </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #630029;"><br />How wrong I was! When I suddenly started to take more interest in my nieces and nephews, everyone was surprised. My brothers had never asked me to babysit much and everyone said I preferred animals to kids. I guess, in hindsight, it would have seemed that way, but deep down I think I was just trying to avoid the whole issue. I had so many issues around childbirth and motherhood; it pains me to think of it now.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #630029;"><br />I couldn't bear to hear about pregnancies or see childbirth scenes on the television. I felt it was a humiliating and degrading experience for the woman and that, as usual, the man got off <a href="http://achildafter40.com/over-40-mom-blogs-from-ireland/"><span style="background-color: white;">scot </span>free</a>. So, with an attitude like this, it really scared me when I started to ogle babies in their prams, and wonder what it would be like to have a child of my own! What was happening to me? Had I been wrong about the biological clock after all?</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #630029; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">We tried, but unfortunately nothing happened for a long time. Then I had my first miscarriage.</span><span style="color: #630029; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Time went on and I hit the age of forty. I thought I should forget about the whole idea. By that stage I felt that it was probably my own fault that I could not conceive. I had spent the best part of 38 years saying I did not want children. Now it seemed as if my body was responding in kind. I felt as if I had willed it into not wanting them and it was just complying with my wishes. I remember someone saying to me at that time, that since I was forty, I might as well face the fact I would never have kids. I was sad but decided to get on with life and not think about it anymore. I had succeeded in pushing the idea out of my life before so I would just do it again.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #630029;">Parenthood is not the path for everyone and it is not in everyone's life journey. I thought that was probably the case with me. I went part time in my day job to spend more time caring for my mother. I had set up my own dog walking and pet sitting business a few years before and spent more time on it. I felt for the most part content with my life.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #630029;"><br />Then, it happened! I was pregnant! One day, while driving, the smell of petrol fumes made me feel nauseous. I had lost track of my cycle, had not felt sick before this and had no other symptoms.When the test came up positive, I did two more tests just to be sure and the result was the same. Positive. Positive. Positive!</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #630029;"><br />When I shared my news, there were different reactions. I had thought everyone would be positive and happy but this wasn’t always the case. One urged me to think long and hard about it and another suggested I have all manner of tests done because of my age. I went for some private counselling just to be sure it was something both of us could handle. We then decided that we would <span style="background-color: white;">forego </span>the tests and just accept whatever and whoever was sent to us. Thankfully, all was perfect and in November 2007 our beautiful son was born. It really was the best day of my life! I had often secretly sneered when I heard people say that, but now</span></span><span style="color: #630029; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> I knew what people meant!</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ3HJtL3PwlW7k9docnfJ7OCprz-FUX9iSLJ3MLquWf69k78qhLEEOu_Obf4tUTN0eGpL33JCOGrW2cdPlOsZMyM7U6gbyZR5lYn9_qELtqiVtHnjk5BnHAXMs8pfaw72-3Jfm_OdqwCc4/s1600/Ciaran+and+Claire+27.2.08.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ3HJtL3PwlW7k9docnfJ7OCprz-FUX9iSLJ3MLquWf69k78qhLEEOu_Obf4tUTN0eGpL33JCOGrW2cdPlOsZMyM7U6gbyZR5lYn9_qELtqiVtHnjk5BnHAXMs8pfaw72-3Jfm_OdqwCc4/s1600/Ciaran+and+Claire+27.2.08.jpg" height="240" width="320" /><span style="color: #630029; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Now I knew what people meant when they said that.</span></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #630029;">If I had known how it would be, I would have tried to have children earlier. I realise now that even if it did cause me to be trapped, having my son is a wonderful, beautiful blessing. Though it sometimes throws up challenges, So far, it is a bonus and an enhancement to our lives.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #630029;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />I had four siblings and my husband had eight so I sometimes feel sad that my son won't now have any. He won't have any because of the choices I made earlier in my life. </span></span><span style="color: #630029; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Choices I made because I was afraid, afraid of being trapped, afraid of not being good enough to do a good job, afraid of so many things that never transpired.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyLtl0w0DISX4cwlbuoHgGvsL-uZfOeKK391TH8qwijwaRayMGj57NQqacVQFMT0dy1FpBEmkgvjhSOq3akJhv2NJKPtGGPhXnDfQkotGHVf2Zbns27KY4xAtVsYZyFVgQU3yU7iGNsCyx/s1600/CiCi%252C+Mam+and+Dad+pro+photos+058.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyLtl0w0DISX4cwlbuoHgGvsL-uZfOeKK391TH8qwijwaRayMGj57NQqacVQFMT0dy1FpBEmkgvjhSOq3akJhv2NJKPtGGPhXnDfQkotGHVf2Zbns27KY4xAtVsYZyFVgQU3yU7iGNsCyx/s1600/CiCi%252C+Mam+and+Dad+pro+photos+058.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="color: #630029;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We tried to do that for him but sadly, it was not to be. I was warned by the doctor about the statistics of miscarriage in women my age. I was devastated with the realisation that as time went on, the chances were less and less. And now, here I am, aged almost 49 and with one precious child, a seven year old most appreciated son.</span></span><span style="color: #630029; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> </span><br />
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<span style="color: #630029; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I used to worry that by being older parents, we were doing our son an injustice. I used to worry that we be might get sick and old before he was fully ready to make his own way in the world. Someone had once said to me that they thought I was either brave or really selfish in having a child in my forties. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #630029; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Then my mother said something that really hit home. She said that you don't have to be old to die. I realised then that no matter what age we are, there are no guarantees in life. Some people die young, some people die old and some people live longer than even their own children. I am doing my best to keep fit and healthy for as long as possible. I rarely drink now, I practice yoga, I juice regularly adding much needed fruit and veg to my diet and I keep up to date with what the younger parents are into. I have become an improved version of myself because of my child and I aim to keep that up.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #630029;">In my wildest dreams, I never thought I would become a <a href="http://inseasonmomreflections.blogspot.ie/2012/02/featured-inseason-mom-february-2012.html">forty something first timemum </a>but I did and I am. If you have an opinion on women becoming older mothers, please share it in the comnments!</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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fsmumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06594381836263987490noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-794213438319675477.post-59036588138131198422014-02-06T10:56:00.002+00:002014-02-18T20:19:20.758+00:00Reasons to be Cheerful - Blog Hop
I'm not really sure what a blog hop is yet but I decided to give it a shot. I have done them before but I'm not completely sure I'm on the right track!
Anyway here goes!
My <i><i>Reasons to be Cheerful<b></b></i><b></b></i> this week are:
<b>Friends</b>
One of my longest friends arrived over for a visit from Scotland to Ireland this week. She came to see her sister who gave birth to a beautiful baby boy and to visit a sick relative. I took her to visit my mother on Monday and I took her to the airport to fly back home on Wednesday. I was happy to see her come and sad to see her leave. As always.
<b>Juicing</b>
Juicing is my new way of being kind to myself. I started two weeks ago and haven't stopped. I have a feeling it's going to be the one thing that finally clicks with me when it comes to being kind to my body. I'm not focusing on weight loss but on what nutrients I can supply my body with. I am finding it easy to have juice in the morning, juice or smoothie for lunch and then a nice healthy dinner. This mornings delicious concoction consisted of curly kale, broccoli, apple, cucumber, celery and lemon. For lunch I am having carrot, orange, apple and garlic and then for dinner, a vegetable curry with beans for protein. Sadly my new juicer gave up after only two weeks but on the cheerful side, the shop where I purchased it are willing to exchange!
<b>Health</b>
I'm just so pleased that my mother, who is eighty, is in good health again. No chest infections,no asthma attacks, no breathing difficulties, no arthritic pain. We were at a hospital appointment on Tuesday and the doctors were really pleased with her.
<b>Lunch Tomorrow</b>
Lunch out tomorrow hasn't happened yet but I'm hopeful it will go according to plan and I'm feeling cheerful about it. I have an exam in the morning and then my husband is taking me out to lunch. It will be a mad rush to get back to collect my little boy from school but having him to collect is yet another reason for cheerfulness!
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fsmumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06594381836263987490noreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-794213438319675477.post-86784737895833095852014-02-03T18:15:00.000+00:002014-02-03T18:20:45.187+00:00Juice Crazy! The Latest Step in My Journey to Physical and Mental WellbeingPeople who know me will know that I am always exploring ways to improve my physical and mental quality of life. In fact, people who know me will know that I am always looking for <b>easy</b> ways of doing these things! Most people who know me will know of my struggles with mood, weight and high cholesterol over the years, and the various different things I have tried.<br />
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Over the years, I have had temporary success with various slimming clubs but I'm sad to say that I usually lose interest and abandon them. While some of what I've learned there stays with me and I continue to eat a lot more healthily than I have in years, I found those plans weren't quite right for me. I could never get control of my sweet tooth and just one biscuit allowed on a plan could spiral me into a full scale sugar fest. Now I've found something I can incorporate into my daily diet, which makes me feel like eating less but also fulfils my need for something sweet. Read on and I'll share my latest step to physical and mental wellbeing. I hope that I won't lose interest and abandon this new step because it's creative and it's fun too. Also, it feels <b>easy</b> to incorporate into my daily life, which means a lot.<br />
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The combination of <a href="http://www.fortysomethingfirsttimeyogini.blogspot.ie/">yoga </a>and healthy eating without watching every morsel felt more my thing and has sustained me for the past while. However, I am still bigger than I should be, my cholesterol levels are sky high and my energy levels could be better. While some of this is hereditary, the doctor could apparently tell by my triglycerides level, that I need to make some more dietary changes. I made a decision at the start of 2014 to focus more on my health and what nutrients I am putting into my body, rather than what weight I am.<br />
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In 2013 I cut down on animal proteins and sugar and I started to include more fruit in the form of smoothies.I also included porridge, seeded bread and plant sterol supplements. I started to do research on what else I could do to increase my energy levels, up my mood, decrease my cholesterol and maybe lose a few pounds into the bargain. This is when I came upon the idea of juicing for health and wellbeing. It seemed to me to be a natural progression from blending smoothies and making fresh soups. I had heard that juicing can help with reducing cholesterol levels and risks of heart disease, diabetes and cancer. It can also elevate mood and inspire feelings of mental wellbeing. I wanted to find out if this could be true. I had already been doing some food and juicing recipes from the brilliant <a href="http://dalepinnock.com/">Dale Pinnock</a>. He is known as 'The Medicinal Chef' for good reason and I like his whole way of looking at food. I like the idea of using juices and food as medicine for the body and as a way of assisting the body in getting rid o the toxins taken in from chemicals and processed food. <br />
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I sometimes struggle with lack of energy and motivation and a low mood, though these have improved since I have made some changes in my life. However, there is still lots of room for improvement in all of these areas. I am almost 48, the mother of a six year old and will soon go back to working outside the home. For these reasons, I feel I need to up my game and find a way of eating that I can sustain for a lifetime. <br />
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I was toying with the juicing idea, when I came across a book by <a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/Eat-Yourself-Well-Bernadette-Bohan-ebook/dp/B00HTMDL5I/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1391441553&sr=8-1&keywords=eat+yourself+well">Bernadette Bohan called 'Eat yourself Well</a>' on my Kindle. Shortly afterwards, I happened to see her being interviewed on television. When I heard her mention how she turned her health around and what a big fan she is of juicing, I knew I had to read the book. And boy, am I glad I did. I learned so much from it and because it was so easy to read, I was able to start putting some of the ideas into practice. The book has acted as a springboard for me to find out more. I learned a lot about juicing but I also learned some other things and I have not been able to look at Dairy milk since! I now use almond milk in smoothies and have converted to soy based yoghurt and cheeses.<br />
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I knew from Bernadette's book that there were different types of juicers and so I put out a message on Facebook asking for suggestions. A few friends came back with ideas and one suggested I watch the documentary by <a href="http://www.rebootwithjoe.com/">Joe Cross</a> called '<a href="http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=Fat+Sick+and+Nearly+Dead+Free+Full+Movie+Long&Form=VQFRVP#view=detail&mid=336AA7FD745D1BB51BBB336AA7FD745D1BB51BBB">Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead'</a>. I noticed I had it on netflix so I watched it that night. I think it can also be found on you tube now and watched for free. I found it very very inspiring and while I don't feel ready to exist on only juices for a period of time, I have incorporated them into my daily life. Juicing is a terrific way of getting much needed fruit and veg nutrients into a person. From someone, who only ate one type of veg at dinner a few times a week and virtually no fruit, I now have both daily.<br />
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I then watched a few more documentaries for inspiration. Look at <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkbdM_I-PnA">'The Joy of Juicing' with Gary Null,</a> <a href="http://www.foodmattersmovie.com/">'Food Matters'</a> and '<a href="http://www.youtube.com/user/ForksOverKnives">Fork over knives'</a> and you'll see what I mean.<br />
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Other inspirational suggestions from my facebook friends were to look at <a href="http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=Life+Regenerator&Form=VQFRVP#view=detail&mid=B9252B814DC52AB11A62B9252B814DC52AB11A62">Dan the Regenerator</a> (check out his Lemon Ginger Blast, when you're not checking out him!) and <a href="http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=Jason+Vale&docid=4581112172971757&mid=3A079F42CFA71EDC0DDE3A079F42CFA71EDC0DDE&view=detail&FORM=VIRE3#view=detail&mid=887AC8538F336173E984887AC8538F336173E984">Jason Vale</a>.<br />
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<a href="http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/m/green-smoothie-green-juice-organic-37045933.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Green smoothie green juice organic Stock Photos" border="0" src="http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/m/green-smoothie-green-juice-organic-37045933.jpg" height="218" width="320" /></a>I feel it's a matter of finding something that resonates with a person before the change can be made. For me, I need something that combines mind, body and soul and for exercise, I find yoga does that. It's the first exercise I have ever stuck at and I have now been practicing since 2010. I'm on <b><i>day 12</i></b> of incorporating juices into my diet and I find that the creativity involved in making them and the learning how to combine things is keeping me interested. I find it fun!<br />
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I bought myself an Andrew James Power Juicer. It's a basic centrifrugal type of juicer but it's adequate for a beginner juicer like myself. I toyed with buying a Philips 1861 or 1871 but they were quite a bit more expensive and when I looked at the juicers in the shop, the Andrew James juicer looked quite similar. After washing your fruit and vegetables, you can put them through the juicer whole without any need for chopping and cutting. Ideally, I would like a twin gear masticating juicer but this type is way over my budget at the moment. I spent 69 euro on my juicer and so, if I don't stick with it, I won't feel too bad at how much I have spent.<br />
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I am learning more day by day but the things I have learned so far in my juicing journey are:<br />
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<b>1</b>. Juicers have come a long way and despite what I thought, are actually reasonably easy to clean! Place a plastic bag over the pulping funnel before you start juicing so it gives you one less thing on your juicer to clean<br />
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<b>2</b>. Don't do as I did and be overzealous on adding the Wheat grass powder to your smoothies and juices. I made the mistake of adding far too much to a pint of green juice and suffered with tummy pains and nausea afterwards. It wore off after a couple of hours but it wasn't pleasant. Read the instructions before you add any power greens or supplements to your juices!<br />
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<b>3</b>. Cucumber, Apple, Kale and lemon is my favourite morning green drink and in fact, I could drink it at any time of day. I also love Carrot, orange, sweet potato and red bell pepper. It's terrific fun experimenting with all the combinations.<br />
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<b>4</b>. If you think it's difficult to find time to do all that juicing, make a big batch of green juice in the morning and store it in glass bottles or airtight steel containers in your fridge. I am saving large glass coffee and gravy jars to store mine. I also use insulated travel mugs to take in the car with me. Take some of your juice to work in a flask and have at coffee time and lunch time instead of your usual toxic coffee and pastry. Some say the quicker you drink the juice after making it the better, as nutrients deteriorate the longer the juice has been made. However, after a lot of research, and through my own experience, I have discovered the juice can last up three days. Even if some nutrients are lost, I figure, I am still getting far far more benefit than if I didn't drink it at all. At the current time, I have time to do my juicing freshly but if I don't, I make it in advance in the morning or evening time.<br />
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<b>5</b>. Someone said to me that the fruit juice sugars are damaging to teeth but as Jason Vale says many people are doing this to themselves anyway consuming soft drinks, sweets, chocolate and most processed foods which all have huge amounts of added sugar. At least with fruit juice you are also getting nutrients and not just empty calories with no nutrients whatsoever. If people are over worried about this issue, they should dilute the fruit juices with water, use a straw and wait one hour and then brush teeth. Alternatively, mix one fruit with lots of veg. I usually mix a couple of apples with my green veg for my morning juice and mix oranges with carrots and other vegetables. There is always a way!<br />
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<b>6</b>. There is a wider range of fruit and vegetables out there than any of us even know! I am converted to things like fennel, kale, Alfalfa sprouts and Shitake Mushrooms! I'd never even heard of them before I started juicing! I have discovered it's best to buy organic but if you can't, just buy what you can. You will still be getting huge quantities of nutrients that you were not getting before. Wash well with an apple cider vinegar solution before juicing.<br />
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<b>7</b>. Oranges cannot be juiced with the skin on, whereas apples, lemons and many other fruits can. Opinions differ on whether kiwis are better juiced with the skin on or off.<br />
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<b>8</b>. Juicing makes using the toilet a more frequent occurrence! I noticed this on day Four!!! This is a good thing as it's evidence that the body is eliminating toxins. Juicing helps the body's natural detoxification processes to become more efficient. The body is detoxing all the time through skin, kidneys, liver but sometimes we get clogged up for usually dietary reasons and juicing helps with this.<br />
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In the past I have been at optimum health and I have been slim so even though I am older, there is no reason why I cannot be that way again. I have been slim and healthy <b>sometimes </b>in my life and I will be slim and healthy <b>sometime </b>again. And that <b>sometime </b> will be <b>sometime </b>soon!</div>
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fsmumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06594381836263987490noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-794213438319675477.post-48560881481484359392014-02-01T23:18:00.002+00:002014-07-03T13:29:39.585+01:00I Became A First time Mum in my Forties<div style="border-bottom: solid #4F81BD 1.0pt; border: none; mso-border-bottom-themecolor: accent1; mso-element: para-border-div; padding: 0cm 0cm 4.0pt 0cm;">
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<span style="color: #630029;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As you can guess from the title of my blog, I am a forty something first
time mum. I’m actually an Irish Mammy albeit
a modern Irish mammy and not the kind that Brendan O Carroll’s portrays in his
series, <a href="http://www.rte.ie/tv/programmes/mrsbrownsboys.html">Mrs Browns Boys</a>. That is
something I can only aspire to!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgqS-GbvWajU9aPb33fG3K4cvTx0bYXTF0z4590KWDJ7H4VnDgsdESbIYBYD45fKniZFTCxKx6Ie4L25XQHME-KykYmGTWgkGNlx6Bn9Zf5xnXZ55YYzUm68xVH1bscSgT0gGXwBkpNY0O/s1600/Instructions+not+included+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgqS-GbvWajU9aPb33fG3K4cvTx0bYXTF0z4590KWDJ7H4VnDgsdESbIYBYD45fKniZFTCxKx6Ie4L25XQHME-KykYmGTWgkGNlx6Bn9Zf5xnXZ55YYzUm68xVH1bscSgT0gGXwBkpNY0O/s1600/Instructions+not+included+3.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #630029;">Here in Ireland 'Mammy' or ''Ma are terms we use most frequently
but 'Mum', 'Mom' 'mummy' are all acceptable too. I don’t mind what I’m called as long as it’s not ‘geriatric Mum’ which is a term I have heard a few times
since I had my child!. I’ve also been told that I am, what is referred to in
medical speak an ‘ Elderly Primigravida’ a woman who has a child for the first
time over the age of 35. I thought ‘elderly’
meant you were well past middle age and approaching your twilight years. Apparently this is not the case for people
like me!</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #630029;">I decided to write this <a href="http://stayathomemoms.about.com/b/2010/11/05/mom-blogger-of-the-week-forty-something-first-time-mum.htm">blog </a>back in 2010 to reach out to other older
first time mums and to indulge my love of writing which I have always found
therapeutic.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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It can be a lonely business being a forty something first time mum. When your
child is a toddler and not at preschool, you don’t meet many other mums. Many of my friends had much older children and
were at a different stage of parenthood than I was. At a mother and toddler
group that I had reluctantly ventured in to for some company, someone kindly
pointed this out to me. When the group facilitator asked me if I was my two
year old son's mother or 'nana' (grandmother),I vividly remember all eyes
turning to look at me.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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I can recall clearly how my spirits dropped and I realised that I was at least ten years
older than the other mothers there. I
had thought that I looked young for my forty four years but the very
posing of that question from the facilitator, and the youth of the other mothers
dashed my illusions. My little boy didn’t seem to want to join in with the
group activities (how's that for solidarity) and in light of how I then felt, I took it as a sign not to return.
I knew that being part of a group that looked upon me as the oldie wouldn’t
help with my increasing<a href="http://stayathomemoms.about.com/od/blogs/fr/Forty-Something-First-Time-Mum.htm"> loneliness</a>.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #630029;">You may wonder, if I was so worried about being an older mum, why I left
it so late. There were many reasons, mostly to do with insecurities and wrong
perspective on life. I did not want to be poor, trapped and miserable as had
happened to many women of my mothers generation, and also to some of my peers.
And so, I spent my twenties and thirties in a partying haze, pushing kids to
the very bottom of my list. </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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I married at the age of 34 and I still wasn't that interested in having
children. My husband didn’t seem to mind and even said that he thought we were
too immature to have children. We both
had decent full time jobs and enjoyed going away, drinking and going out for
meals. I didn't believe in the biological clock or that it would ever tick for me. </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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How wrong I was! When I suddenly started to take a big interest in my nieces
and nephews, everyone was surprised. Although I loved them, I really hadn’t
connected with them that much up until I hit my late thirties. My brothers had
never asked me to babysit much and everyone said I preferred animals to kids. I
guess, in hindsight, it would have seemed that way, but deep down I think I was
just trying to avoid the whole issue. I had so many issues around childbirth
and motherhood; it pains me to think of it now.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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I couldn't bear to hear about pregnancies or see childbirth scenes on the
television. I felt it was a humiliating and degrading experience for the woman
and that, as usual, the man got off <a href="http://achildafter40.com/over-40-mom-blogs-from-ireland/"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">scot</span> </span>free</a>. So, with an attitude like this, it really scared me when I started to ogle babies
in their prams, and wonder what it would be like to have a child of my own! What was happening to me? Had I been wrong
about the biological clock after all?</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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I really started to feel I wanted and needed a child and my husband felt the
same. We tried, but unfortunately nothing happened for a long time. Then I had
my first miscarriage. I didn't even realise that was what it was at the time. I
was basically ignorant when it came to pregnancy knowledge, having pushed the
subject away for so long.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #630029;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Time went on and I hit the age of forty. I thought I should forget about
the whole idea. By that stage I felt that it was probably my own fault that I
could not conceive. I had spent the best part of 38 years saying I did not want
children. Now it seemed as if my body was responding in kind. I felt as if I
had willed it into not wanting them and it was just complying with my wishes. I
remember someone saying to me at that time, that since I was forty, I might as
well face the fact I would never have kids. I was sad but decided to get on with
life and not think about it anymore. I
had succeeded in pushing the idea out of my life before so I would just do it
again. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #630029;">Parenthood is not the path for everyone and it is not in <span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">everyone's</span> life journey. I thought that
was probably the case with me. I went part time in my day job and set up my own <span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">dog walking</span> and <span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">pet sitting</span> business and felt, for the
most part content with my life.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Then, it happened! I was pregnant! I was 41 years of age and pregnant! I was over three months into it and I hadn’t
realised. One day I was out driving and the smell of petrol fumes made me feel nauseous. I had lost track of my cycle because I had put the whole idea out of
my mind and I had not felt sick before and had no other symptoms.in fact, I felt terrific, with
boundless energy. When the test came up positive, I did two more tests just to
be sure and the result was the same. Positive. Positive. Positive!</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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When I shared my news, there were different reactions. I had thought everyone would be positive and
happy but this wasn’t always the case.
One urged me to think long and hard about it and another suggested I
have all manner of tests done because of my age. I went for some private
counselling just to be sure it was something both of us could handle. We then
decided that we would <span style="background-color: white;"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">forego</span> </span>the
tests and just accept whatever and whoever was sent to us. I just knew then,
that even if those tests had showed up any abnormalities we were ready for it.
Thankfully, all was perfect and in November 2007 our beautiful son was born. It
really was the best day of my life! Now I knew what people meant when they said
that. In past times I had often secretly
sneered when I heard people say that it was their happiest time
ever.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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If I had known before what I found out that day and what I know now, I would
have tried to have children a lot earlier. I realise now that even if it did
cause me to be trapped, that having a child is a wonderful, beautiful blessing.
In fact, <a href="http://media.irishexaminer.com/feelgood/2011/2011-05-27.pdf">parenthood </a>has not trapped or frightened me in any way. So far, it is
a bonus and an enhancement to my life and I think I can speak for my husband
there too.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Since then, I have wanted another child really badly. I had and still have a
longing for that. I also wanted it for my little son. I would like him to have
a sibling so that he has company at home.
I would like him to have a sibling so having older parents won't be a
burden to him in later life. I would like him to have a sibling for so many
reasons. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyLtl0w0DISX4cwlbuoHgGvsL-uZfOeKK391TH8qwijwaRayMGj57NQqacVQFMT0dy1FpBEmkgvjhSOq3akJhv2NJKPtGGPhXnDfQkotGHVf2Zbns27KY4xAtVsYZyFVgQU3yU7iGNsCyx/s1600/CiCi%252C+Mam+and+Dad+pro+photos+058.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyLtl0w0DISX4cwlbuoHgGvsL-uZfOeKK391TH8qwijwaRayMGj57NQqacVQFMT0dy1FpBEmkgvjhSOq3akJhv2NJKPtGGPhXnDfQkotGHVf2Zbns27KY4xAtVsYZyFVgQU3yU7iGNsCyx/s1600/CiCi%252C+Mam+and+Dad+pro+photos+058.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="color: #630029;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We tried to do that for him but sadly I had miscarriages at age 43 and
44. I was so excited that I made plans and carried on even though I was warned
by the doctor about the statistics of miscarriage in women my age. I was
devastated with the realisation that as time went on, the chances were less and
less. And now, here I am, aged almost 48
and with one precious child, a six year old most appreciated son.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #630029;">We are so so so thankful for him and I am so grateful my body clock
ticked loudly and woke me up before it really was too late. My one and only regret is that I could not
give my precious boy a sibling because of the choices I made in life. Choices I made because I was afraid, afraid of being trapped, afraid of not being good enough to do a good job, afraid of so many things that never transpired.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixAEjJzmhBf7jQHXb7x56FH2ke5DTguFS1xO4RyLVsNg-L2_ukS6epwY_afl9e1F69p2VRrUkzbwdgwH4JEUhXiASS_XU0QCP-BX392csKiXO5bI6fTqQdjD3c8NLNCeJYNaZdLvlIcTbI/s1600/DSC01115.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixAEjJzmhBf7jQHXb7x56FH2ke5DTguFS1xO4RyLVsNg-L2_ukS6epwY_afl9e1F69p2VRrUkzbwdgwH4JEUhXiASS_XU0QCP-BX392csKiXO5bI6fTqQdjD3c8NLNCeJYNaZdLvlIcTbI/s1600/DSC01115.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #630029;">I used to worry that by being older parents, we were doing our son an injustice. I used to worry that we be might get sick and old before he was fully ready to make his own way in the world. Someone had once said to me that they thought I was either brave or really selfish in having a child in my forties. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #630029; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Then my mother said something that really hit home. She said that you don't have to be old to die. I realised then that no matter what age we are, there are no guarantees in life. Some people die young, some people die old and some people live longer than even their own children. I am doing my best to keep fit and healthy for as long as possible. I rarely drink now, I practice yoga, I juice regularly adding much needed fruit and veg to my diet and I keep up to date with what the younger parents are into. I have become an improved version of myself because of my child and I aim to keep that up.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #630029;">In my wildest dreams, I never thought I would become a <a href="http://inseasonmomreflections.blogspot.ie/2012/02/featured-inseason-mom-february-2012.html">forty something first timemum </a>but I did and I am.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #630029;">Posted by Claire at <a href="http://fortysomethingfirsttimemum.blogspot.com/2010/05/as-you-can-guess-from-title-of-this.html" title="permanent link"><span style="color: #630029; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">5:41 AM</span></a> </span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=794213438319675477&postID=1687211491150795048" title=""Edit Post" "><span style="color: #630029; text-decoration: none;"><!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shapetype
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #630029;">12 comments:</span></b><b><o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #630029;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/04273012287632649177"><span style="color: #765b1d; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Sarah <span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Butland</span></span></a> said...</span></b><b><o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #630029;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Bravo!!! What a
compelling and heart-warming piece. It's from the heart, to other mom's and
mom's to be at any age. Things happen when it's best for them to happen. You
weren't ready for your child before 41 and that's perfectly <span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ok</span>. I know that my husband and I were
completely ready for whatever our baby threw at us (literally and figuratively)
when we had him, before we did we were selfish and perfectly happy as a couple
which was <span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ok</span> too. I imagine
you and your husband were the same way. To parenting. And, by the way, don't
have another for the sake of a sibling, another will happen if you're all ready
for him/her.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #630029;"><a href="http://fortysomethingfirsttimemum.blogspot.com/2010/05/as-you-can-guess-from-title-of-this.html?showComment=1272739905380#c4814301925074456434" title="comment permalink"><span style="color: #765b1d; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">May 1, 2010 11:51 AM </span></a></span><!--[if mso & !supportInlineShapes & supportFields]><span
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<b><span style="color: #630029;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/06594381836263987490"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #630029; text-decoration: none;">SuileGlasa</span></a> said...<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
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<span style="color: #630029;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Thanks for the post
Sarah. We really would love another child and we are ready and waiting. It
would be great for my son as well. However, I think at 44 it may be too late.
But then again, look at Cherie Blair the ex British Prime Ministers wife. She
was 45. There are many examples so who knows! Watch this space.. Or should I
say, watch this blog!!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #630029;"><a href="http://fortysomethingfirsttimemum.blogspot.com/2010/05/as-you-can-guess-from-title-of-this.html?showComment=1272746372595#c1658116883545702786" title="comment permalink"><span style="color: #765b1d; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">May 1, 2010 1:39 PM </span></a></span><!--[if mso & !supportInlineShapes & supportFields]><span
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<b><span style="color: #630029;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/06074483119366286679"><span style="color: #765b1d; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">lizm8906</span></a> said...<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
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<span style="color: #630029;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It's never too
late! Some women of 65 are having them - although know I couldn't - feel too
old now sometimes and am also a 40 something Mum of young girls although did
get in having them just before 40... Very interesting Blog... I look forward to
seeing more posts. x<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #630029;"><a href="http://fortysomethingfirsttimemum.blogspot.com/2010/05/as-you-can-guess-from-title-of-this.html?showComment=1272803690568#c3043218449703769380" title="comment permalink"><span style="color: #765b1d; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">May 2, 2010 5:34 AM </span></a></span><!--[if mso & !supportInlineShapes & supportFields]><span
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<b><span style="color: #630029;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/06594381836263987490"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #630029; text-decoration: none;">SuileGlasa</span></a> said...<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
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<span style="color: #630029;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As you said
yourself Liz, it's never too late! If it's meant to happen, it will.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #630029;"><a href="http://fortysomethingfirsttimemum.blogspot.com/2010/05/as-you-can-guess-from-title-of-this.html?showComment=1272977090750#c1106801208573190220" title="comment permalink"><span style="color: #765b1d; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">May 4, 2010 5:44 AM </span></a></span><!--[if mso & !supportInlineShapes & supportFields]><span
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<b><span style="color: #630029;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/04814900491881251509"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #765b1d; text-decoration: none;">berniegloster</span></a> said...<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
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<span style="color: #630029;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Great and so honest
and funny.Things happen for a reason I lost three babies before I had my son I
thought I'd have no more and 8 years at nearly 39 without I had my daughter a
total surprise.I still remember when my son visited me in hospital and asked me
was I going to dye my hair still because he was afraid they may think I was her
granny not her mum(out of the mouth of babes)Well at 52 I still dye my hair and
I have two <span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">georgeous</span> kids (my
son of 22 <span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">would'nt</span> like me
calling him a kid)both a fantastic surprise<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #630029;"><a href="http://fortysomethingfirsttimemum.blogspot.com/2010/05/as-you-can-guess-from-title-of-this.html?showComment=1273170715363#c1761325753994755155" title="comment permalink"><span style="color: #765b1d; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">May 6, 2010 11:31 AM </span></a></span><!--[if mso & !supportInlineShapes & supportFields]><span
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<b><span style="color: #630029;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/06504980146431163113"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #765b1d; text-decoration: none;">veronahanlon</span></a> said...<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
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<span style="color: #630029;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Such a lovely <span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">featue</span> - it's funny to think that as
women (who want it all), we are probably thinking the same things!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #630029;"><a href="http://fortysomethingfirsttimemum.blogspot.com/2010/05/as-you-can-guess-from-title-of-this.html?showComment=1273242061710#c6752429914737805797" title="comment permalink"><span style="color: #765b1d; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">May 7, 2010 7:21 AM </span></a></span><!--[if mso & !supportInlineShapes & supportFields]><span
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<b><span style="color: #630029;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/16026810558106405094"><span style="color: #765b1d; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Loraine</span></a> said...<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
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<span style="color: #630029;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Hi Neighbour - glad
to have read your blog - it's an absolutely amazing experience to be a Mom and
I am so glad you went for it - I too experienced loss having had two
miscarriages after my daughter and thought I would never have another - but
some medical intervention and the wonderful drug "<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">lovenox</span>" (I have a blood disorder that causes me to develop
clots while pregnant) - and my beautiful son was born a year and three months
ago. Please take each day as it comes - God will send to you a blessing if it
is right for your family - in the meantime, enjoy your son every minute (even
if he gets into your makeup or draws on your walls!)... Love Lo X<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #630029;"><a href="http://fortysomethingfirsttimemum.blogspot.com/2010/05/as-you-can-guess-from-title-of-this.html?showComment=1274314183706#c3932137545675001035" title="comment permalink"><span style="color: #765b1d; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">May 19, 2010 5:09 PM </span></a></span><!--[if mso & !supportInlineShapes & supportFields]><span
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<b><span style="color: #630029;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/06375617516290626032"><span style="color: #630029; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Claire</span></a> said...<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
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<span style="color: #630029;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Thanks Lo!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #630029;"><a href="http://fortysomethingfirsttimemum.blogspot.com/2010/05/as-you-can-guess-from-title-of-this.html?showComment=1274976277452#c6857602340397465205" title="comment permalink"><span style="color: #765b1d; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">May 27, 2010 9:04 AM </span></a></span><!--[if mso & !supportInlineShapes & supportFields]><span
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<b><span style="color: #630029;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/02015109751334088807"><span style="color: #765b1d; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Lorna</span></a> said...<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
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<span style="color: #630029;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Delighted to find
your blog. I had my kids at age 33 and 35 and planned to have another 2 by the
time I was 40. 3 miscarriages later (had no <span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">probs</span> with
first 2) and lots of infertility treatment and aged 41 this month, we are going
to adopt. But I so empathise with your feelings re not being maternal, even
when I was pregnant with my first, I was wondering how on earth I could
breastfeed and bond with this thing that would cry, smell and not ever sleep. <span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Ok</span>, he never slept but he was a gorgeous baby
and I ended up breast feeding him till he was 2 so I sort of turned into an
earth mother - far cry from the woman who was going to thrust him into the creche
at 8 weeks and head back to work! I hope you have another baby - best of luck.
Personally I think the later women leave having their kids, the more they enjoy
them<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #630029;"><a href="http://fortysomethingfirsttimemum.blogspot.com/2010/05/as-you-can-guess-from-title-of-this.html?showComment=1279045614564#c3054920659003221326" title="comment permalink"><span style="color: #765b1d; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">July 13, 2010 11:26 AM </span></a></span><!--[if mso & !supportInlineShapes & supportFields]><span
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<b><span style="color: #630029;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/12177261421105627221"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #630029; text-decoration: none;">Danka</span></a> said...<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
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<span style="color: #630029;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Congrats on your
baby! Loved your story! I have few friends who don't want kids or are not ready
for them and my heart cries out but unfortunately they would never understand
"us" (moms) what it means to see smile of your baby!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #630029;"><a href="http://fortysomethingfirsttimemum.blogspot.com/2010/05/as-you-can-guess-from-title-of-this.html?showComment=1279107646983#c8600850795740109332" title="comment permalink"><span style="color: #765b1d; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">July 14, 2010 4:40 AM </span></a></span><!--[if mso & !supportInlineShapes & supportFields]><span
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<b><span style="color: #630029;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/06594381836263987490"><span style="color: #630029; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Claire</span></a> said...<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
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<span style="color: #630029;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">You are so right <span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Danka</span>. I am so glad I found out before it was
too late!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #630029;"><a href="http://fortysomethingfirsttimemum.blogspot.com/2010/05/as-you-can-guess-from-title-of-this.html?showComment=1279651484032#c2002398296634531046" title="comment permalink"><span style="color: #765b1d; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">July 20, 2010 11:44 AM </span></a></span><!--[if mso & !supportInlineShapes & supportFields]><span
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<b><span style="color: #630029;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/06594381836263987490"><span style="color: #630029; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Claire</span></a> said...<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
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<span style="color: #630029;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Lorna, I love your
story. I think it's great to adopt also. The very best of luck with it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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What lessons did the year 2013 bring for me?</span></h4>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br />I've been thinking hard about this since the new year began and it's only now that I can put it into words. It's said that you cannot change anyone else and at some level, most of us know that it is true. Still, it doesn't stop many of us from trying to change others to what we want them to be. We may do it with our partners, our children and even our parents. Heck, even our pets are cajoled and scolded until they are trained to how we think they should be!</span></h4>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br />I think that when we feel the need to change someone, it's coming from our deepest insecure fearful selves. We are trying to change the things about them that scare us because they are actually a reflection of things we ourselves might need to change. They are things that make us feel unsafe and different. It may also be that we worry what others think and this brings insecurities to the fore. We become stressed and fearful because we may not have what we perceive as the same secure life as other people. We forget that life itself is <i>insecure</i>. and we forget that we are not all the same. After all, it feels safer to be part of a group, doesn't it? Even if we forget that within that group there may be someone who doesn't entirely fit the mould.</span></h4>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br />I see that we are one in a human sense concerning the things we actually <i>need</i> like food and love, but we also have different personalities and desires. Therefore one size does <i>not</i> fit all and we do not have to conform in the way we sometimes allow ourselves to feel we should. We set ourselves up for stress and upset by our constant wanting to change others to do things the way we <i>think </i> they should be done and be the way we want them to be. While I have always intrinsically known this, now I have proved this truth to myself.</span></h4>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br />I have been experimenting on and off with the path of least resistance, trying to only be motivated by love. When I have used it, life has been peaceful but when I have reverted to my usual railing against the way things are,all hell breaks lose. Currently, I am biting my tongue, avoiding confrontation, avoiding giving my negative opinions and refusing to get riled up by jokes or comments. I am also pausing and responding mindfully rather than mindlessly reacting and already it's working better for me than the constant railing against people or conditions. I had a huge opportunity to put all this into practice just yesterday and it was nice to come away feeling positive and calm. </span></h4>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br />When I mentioned all this to someone just this morning, they suggested that behaving like this was a 'cop out' and people acting this way were allowing themselves to be doormats. I can see what they are trying to say but I feel that not accepting what is and constantly railing against it is even more damaging. For me it is damaging to my nerves, my emotions, my physical being and my soul. Changing my own behaviours rather than constantly fighting against others,is a better path, at least it is for me. I am not saying that we should accept life the way it is and that's that. I am saying that we could accept it for what it is and see it as a work in progress, always growing and improving things as we go. We could just do it in a quieter, calmer and hopefully more effective way. I see it as a letting go of the behaviours and attitudes that don't serve me. I see that only a change and shift within myself can bring about a lasting change to dump the turmoil.</span></h4>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br />So far, following this path of least resistance, while also calmy speaking my needs, while not reacting to barbs and comments, is bringing different reactions from other people. In a way, some of the changes I originally wanted to force are coming about simply by changing or shifting something within myself.</span></h4>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br />One of the lessons that I finally learned as 2013 came to a close was that trying to change other people is trying to control them. I spent two whole days reflecting on this truth at every given moment and realised that it really is true that the only person we can change is ourselves.</span></h4>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br />So for 2014, I hope to have learned enough that I can speak calmy my needs as a mother, wife, daughter, sister and do it from a calm place. I will not volunteer too much information, let others manipulate me or try to do it to them, not feel that I have to constantly explain myself to others and strive to be quietly effective in the things I set out to do .</span></h4>
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I had an upsetting end to the year 2013 and the beginning of 2014 but it's served to finally teach me a few things. It is said that the same things will keep happening to you over and over until you finally learn the lesson! Aint that the truth!</span></h4>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br />What have you learned in 2013?<br />x</span></h4>
fsmumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06594381836263987490noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-794213438319675477.post-92155959234573882782013-11-18T12:49:00.002+00:002013-11-18T13:04:07.011+00:00The Stare<br />
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I'm standing by the living room door. He's playing happily with his toys. He asks why I am staring at him. I only realise I'm doing it when he asks the question. He asks me to stop because he doesn't like it. I think how my mother often does the same to me.<br />
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I don't like when she does it either. I worry it makes her wistful, nostalgic or scared in some way. I also feel she may be criticising things about me. She's eighty and she's my mother and I want her to stay strong. She's my mother. Even though I'm grown I need her to be the Mother in my life still.</div>
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But I'm a mother now myself and there's no getting away from the fact that I do that staring thing too. When I do it, my thoughts travel. They travel to the future and they travel to the past. Probably in just the same way as my mother's thoughts do. When I lived abroad for a time, my flat mate said I worried too much about what my mother thought. I still do.</div>
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I'm thinking as I stare, of what a magical miracle he is. I'm hoping that he's not lonely and I'm wishing that I could have given him a sibling. I can only try to keep him close to his cousins and friends as compensation for that. I think I'm doing ok. We don't see his cousins all the time but he knows each and every one of them. We talk about each of them and look at photographs. That's more than I did, growing up. But I had four brothers and that's the difference.</div>
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I'm hoping for the future that he will be well adjusted even though I've never followed any child rearing books. Oh yes, I've googled stuff but exploring theories and then practicing them are two very different things. I tend to have a more flexible, play it by ear approach. When the midwives were forcing the breastfeeding policy on to me, I stopped as soon as we got home. Some may think thats selfish but I was so horrified by that whole experience of people and things pulling and pushing at me, I couldn't bond with my baby. As far as I was concerned, once he got the Colostrom, that was it. I felt it was better for him to have a functioning mother, than one who was weeping all the time because she felt pressured into breastfeeding him. It doesn't seem to have physically harmed him. He's rarely sick and has only ever vomited three or four times in his six years of life. </div>
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When others were force feeding their kids at three months or six months because the book had told them to, I knew he wasn't ready. He was seven months when he went onto solids and he had no problems at all. Like me, he is a late bloomer. He didn't walk or get his first tooth until fifteen months old. I didn't worry though. I knew he would do it in his own time. He was a great sleeper. We were lucky. No pacing the floor throughout the night and no bleary heads in the mornings.</div>
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When I stare, although I hope I have done some things right, I feel the guilt of the times I haven't been the mother I aim to be. The times I've lost my temper, lost my patience and almost lost my mind. The time he was barely two years old and he caught his finger in the hinge of the kitchen door. He'd been clinging to my leg and I swung the door closed not realising his hand was there. A trip to the hospital in an ambulance. An operation to sew his fingertip back on. His vulnerability as he was wheeled back to me unconscious. The feeling that I had put him there. His Dad had been away on business. If hasn't been for my fantastic sister in law and next door neighbours, I would have felt like the worst mother in the world.</div>
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His behaviour isn't always all it could be but he's only just turned Six. I know he's pushing boundaries etc. I don't need the books to tell me that. Its listening to other people that makes me worry about his behaviour but its also listening to other people that makes me stop. We've all pushed the boundaries at certain points in our lives and come out the other side. He's strong willed and I understand that now and can change my own behaviour accordingly. I'm hoping that the boundaries we do put in place will be just what he needs.</div>
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I'm hoping for the future that I haven't transferred my over-sensitivity to him, that my relationship with his father, my husband won't impact negatively on him. We're doing our best with what we ourselves learned from our own parents .Sometimes it's effortless but more often than not it's hard work. But that's okay. Life is a lifelong learning process as I prove everyday.</div>
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Everything about him is magical, the fact that he's part me and part his Dad. I hope he gets his Dad's brains. And not my tendency to veer away from the logical and drive myself crazy looking for the answer to life's mysteries.</div>
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How can I explain all this to him, the miracle of becoming his mother in my forties? How can I explainThe reasons why I often stare at him? How can I tell him how lucky we are that he is in this world at all? Will he hate me if and when he finds out that at one time I thought I didn't want kids because I was scared to embrace motherhood and new life. </div>
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He once asked me if I was glad he picked me as his mother. I didn't understand what he meant. Then he told me that when he was up in heaven, before he was born, he picked me. He says he saw me putting out the bins and he looked down and told Holy God that he wanted THAT Mammy and THAT Daddy. He said he told my father, his Grandad Pat, who he never actually met, that he wanted him to fly him down and magic him into that lady's tummy! He says Grandad Pats job in heaven is to fly babies down into the tummies of the mothers they pick! I love his imagination and I love his take on things. And Yes! I can safely say that I'm very glad he picked me.</div>
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There will be a time when my own mother is no longer around. When that time inevitably comes, I will be more than a mother. I will be THE mother in mine and my sons life. While I have my own mother I still feel mothered and protected, as if I havent fully grown into the idea I'm a mother myself. I just hope that when it happens, I can do half as good a job as her, stare or no stare.</div>
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My father used to call her stare 'the look' but 'the look' was reserved for him and that's a whole different story!</div>
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I know now I've been unfair when I've berated my mother for staring at me. Rather than think it might possibly be a negative thing, as I have often done, I want my son to know that the 'stare' just means I love him more than I can say.</div>
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fsmumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06594381836263987490noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-794213438319675477.post-86069927641355040972013-09-20T12:03:00.005+01:002013-09-20T12:06:20.871+01:00Can Love Of Work Become Work Of Love?The other day my little boy came home from school and asked me why I didn't work. He said a boy at school had asked him what I worked at and he had told them 'nothing'!<br />
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I explained to him that I don't work outside the home at the current time but that I do work every day. I may be on a career break from my job but that didn't mean that I was doing nothing. I told him that cooking, cleaning, taking care of him, his Dad, his Granny and our cats all qualifies as work. He looked so sad and turned away from me. I had to coax him to tell me why my answer had upset him so.<br />
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It transpires that he was disappointed to find that I thought of looking after him as being work. I think he has a point. I love looking after him and my family so maybe I should 't be thinking of what I do for them in this way. After all if you are doing something you love, can it be classified as work? I think it was Confucius who first realised this thousands of years ago. And here I am, having to be reminded of this by my five year old (sorry, five and three quarters!) son.<br />
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'Speaking' of work, I then asked him if he had any thoughts of what he would like to work at when he is a grown up.He used to say he wanted to be a doctor so he could fix people and make them better. Indeed, any time we had a doctor visit, he insisted on going all dressed up in his doctors outfit, carrying his bag of equipment. Apparently he no longer wants to be a doctor or a vet as he heard that in training you have to look at dead bodies and brains and things and anyway he wouldn't like to have to to blood tests!<br />
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The other thing that he often talked about being was a bin man. That idea is also out the window as he thinks it would be too hard to be working out in rain and snow and sun.<br />
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He put on his thinking face and then said he had a great idea. He wouldn't work at all, he would do something he loves too and <i>still </i>make money. When I asked him what the idea was, I could hardly contain my giggles. He said he will just keep doing runs and walks and a bit of playing and get people to sponsor him. He would go round all the neighbours and relatives and get them to sponsor him to do these things all the time. Then he would be doing something he loves and make money too. The poor child was so so disappointed when I explained to him, that people usually got sponsored to donate the money to charity and that he would have to give it all away.<br />
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Whatever happens in his future, I sincerely hope that he will have a love for whatever 'work' he does and so the work will become the work of love.<br />
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What about you? Do you love your work, whatever it may be?<br />
<br />fsmumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06594381836263987490noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-794213438319675477.post-76989478005580416852013-07-02T15:00:00.000+01:002013-07-02T14:47:23.648+01:00Go For It! Don't Wait A Moment Longer!<h2>
Go For It! Don't wait!</h2>
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<i>A man would do nothing if he waited until he could do it so well that no one could find fault. <b>John Henry Newman</b></i></div>
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I started this <a href="http://fortysomethingfirsttimemum.blogspot.ie/2010/07/mum-at-last-reposted.html">blog </a>in May 2010 when I was feeling a little lonely. I started this blog when I felt I wanted to reach out to others in the same position as me. I also started this blog to indulge my love of writing.</div>
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When I put the blog <a href="http://www.thewmparentingconnection.com/2011/03/go-for-it-dont-wait.html">out there</a>, a friend commented that she thought I was brave to do it. She felt that she would not be able to write well enough to share her experiences with the world. I knew <i>exactly</i> what she meant. I felt just the same. However, I remembered John Henry Newman's quote above and decided I would go ahead with my plan. I love quotes and before sharing them regularly on my Facebook page, I collected them in a journal. These wise words have stayed with me and so, I decided, that even if my writing didn't appeal to everyone, I would forge ahead.</div>
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Naturally, as is the human condition, it is inevitable that some people will find fault. However, I think that no matter what we choose to do in life there will always be people who support us and people who don't, people who agree with us and people who disagree. That's just life and the way it is. I know that now and I can accept that now. But I didn't always feel this way. I didn't always 'know' this. Just one person finding fault would have sent me on a downward spiral. A bad comment would have confirmed to me how terrible I really was.</div>
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As a forty something first time mum of a now five year old boy, I have done most things later in life than many of my peers. I was in my thirties when I got married, late thirties when I learned to drive, thirty nine when I set up a small petminding business, almost forty when I learned to swim, forty one when I bought a house, forty four when I took up <a href="http://fortysomethingfirsttimeyogini.blogspot.ie/2013/01/do-you-want-to-know-best-age-to-start.html">my yoga and blogging</a> lifestyle and almost forty two when I became a parent!</div>
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I used to put things off through lack of confidence and a belief that I wouldn't be able to cope like other people. I used to worry that people would find fault with whatever I did. I even put off motherhood through fear and lack of self esteem and self worth. Luckily for me, I woke up and got on with all the above things before it really did get too late.</div>
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I learned that you cannot wait until you can do it so well that nobody could find fault. I learned that there will always be people like this and they should not hold the key to your happiness.. So I urge you, no matter what age you are, what stage of life you're at, what dream you hold dear, what you want to achieve, GO FOR IT and DON'T WAIT!</div>
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</script>fsmumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06594381836263987490noreply@blogger.com61tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-794213438319675477.post-5850915681995702142012-10-26T18:46:00.003+01:002012-10-26T18:50:26.808+01:00Happy Schooldays and Happy HalloweenSince I last posted here, my little boy's first day at school has come and gone. That day filled me with delight and pride for the little 'big' boy that he has become but also with tears and nostalgia for the little 'baby' boy he no longer is.<br />
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On his first day, he got into his uniform reluctantly and held both our hands tightly as he entered the classroom with trepidation. He joined in with the other children at a round table adorned with crayons and playthings. Although he looked happy enough, it was such a wrench to leave him, that even my normally controlled husband had a tear in his eye! <br />
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We need not have worried ourselves in the least about him. After his first day, he was bursting with excitement and really happy that one of his best friends and a few from his preschool were in his class.When I took him to visit his Granny in his uniform, he was so proud of himself and so exuberant about it all.<br />
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I couldn't help but think back to my own first day, many moons ago (approximately 42!) and let me say, it was very very different. I didn't like the shirt and tie, the green checked duffle coat and the heavy schoolbag. I was terrified to be thrust into this noisy, crowded unfamiliar room with a bunch of strangers. I wailed loudly when my mother left me. I still remember sitting at my individual wooden desk with the inkwell and measurements on it,( inherited from the dark ages it seemed) and feeling so desolate and confused. To make matters even stranger, many of the teachers and staff were nuns and in those days, wore full regalia! Nowadays, the children are seated in a circle together, given crayons and things to play with and gently introduced to their new world. Most children have had some experience of preschool too, so it makes for an easier transition all round. In my day, nobody but the privileged few had done this.<br />
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Now that Halloween is nearly upon us, the nightly sounds of bangers and fireworks going off is becoming a familiar sound. I can't say that it is a time of year that I particularly enjoy, mainly for the reason that it's a scary time for the animals. However, it <i>is </i>an exciting time for the children so I am begrudgingly throwing myself into things for the sake of my five year old son. He dressed up as a ghost last year and as he has an imaginary friend in Casper the Ghost, this was very apt. This year he is obsessed with Spiderman and will probably wear the costume his Granny Joan (my mother) got him. We will go to a Halloween party on Monday and then he will go to visit his cousins for trick or treating on Halloween itself. <br />
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When I was an child, we didn't have fancy shop bought costumes but made our own out of black binliners and old sheets and blankets. I used to wear a wig of my mothers that had survived from the sixties and I looked forward to wearing it each year. We then went around a few friends and neighbours in disguise chanting our mantra 'help the halloween party'. As far as I know this was something we said here in Ireland when they were saying 'trick or treat' in other places. It was a phrase that guilted your neighbours into giving you lots of treats although the treats back then were much healthier. We mainly received apples, oranges, bananas, coconuts and peanuts where nowadays they seem to get a lot of sugary things!<br />
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I would love to hear some of your memories of your first day at school and your childhood Halloween rituals so feel free to share!<br />
<br />fsmumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06594381836263987490noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-794213438319675477.post-47034730062870885072012-06-23T12:10:00.001+01:002013-08-13T16:47:32.436+01:00Sisters or Friends? Who Do You Turn To?<span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: medium;"><span style="line-height: 27px;"><i>The best thing about having a sister was that I always had a friend - <b>Calie Rae Turner</b></i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: medium;"><span style="line-height: 27px;"><i><b><br /></b></i></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: medium;"><span style="line-height: 27px;">For as long as I can remember, I have always wished for a sister. And never more so, as now that I am older. I sometimes feel quite lonely even though I have a husband, child, brothers, mother and pets. When I was young I used to pretend that my best friend was my sister. She didn't have to do that as she had two of her own.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: medium;"><span style="line-height: 27px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia; font-size: medium; line-height: 27px;">Oh sure, I have some close friends but we are not as involved in each others lives as we would be if we were related. I feel that this is true in most cases, though, I accept, not all. I </span><i style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia; font-size: large; line-height: 27px;">do</i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia; font-size: medium; line-height: 27px;"> have a friend who never got along with her sister growing up and that has never changed.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia; font-size: medium; line-height: 27px;">But as far as I can see, that type of thing usually reverses itself. Some of my friends, though their relationships with their sisters might have been competitive and fractured growing up, are now the closest people I know. They</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia; font-size: medium; line-height: 27px;"> have become closer as they have had families and grown older. They support each other and they count on each other as the person/people they can really rely on, apart from themselves.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia; font-size: medium; line-height: 27px;">Most of my friends had children before I did and although we always met from time to time and are still in touch, we drifted apart a little. I fear I am mostly responsible for this, through my own insecurities about not having children. These insecurities meant that I distanced myself rather more than I had intended to.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia; font-size: medium; line-height: 27px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia; font-size: medium; line-height: 27px;">Then at the advanced age of almost forty two, I had my child, only to find that my friends were at a different stage of life. I imagine that I now feel how my friends who had children when I didn't, felt, when I seemed to show little interest. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia; font-size: medium; line-height: 27px;">One of my good friends has three sisters and although they are all totally different personalities, they are completely there for each other. She agrees that growing up they might have had fights but they also swapped clothes and had lots of great nights out together. Now that they are older, with families of their own, they meet up at least once a week for brunch as well as at family get togethers. She is also delighted that their own children have that same closeness growing up together as they did.</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia; font-size: medium; line-height: 27px;"> I don't think I am a jealous person but I admit that I sometimes feel envious when I see them all together. </span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia; font-size: medium; line-height: 27px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia; font-size: medium; line-height: 27px;">I have cousins who are sisters and I sometimes feel like an outsider when we meet. I know they would never want me to feel like that but it's there. They know all each others little secrets and foibles and can communicate with each other in ways that I cannot. I know twin sisters who are so close, I feel as if there is really something missing in my life, when I see them. When I recently asked one of them how she felt about her sister she said ' <i>She is my right arm. She is my best friend. I could tell her anything, no matter how bad and know she would still love me. She is the one person I would trust completely with my kids if anything were to happen to me. I would be lost without her. In short, she is the other half of me'. </i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia; font-size: medium; line-height: 27px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia; font-size: medium; line-height: 27px;">I have four brothers who have terrific partners and although I love them all and get on with them, I wouldn't say that we are exceptionally close. Again, I feel it's more to do with my own past insecurities than with anything they do or do not do. I have two wonderful sister-in-laws but their lives are so busy, we don't get the time to get together much.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia; font-size: medium; line-height: 27px;">I feel that people who have close relationships with their sisters are very blessed. The same goes for people who feel that sisterly bond with their friends.</span><br />
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<img alt="Twins working out" height="200" src="http://images.stockfreeimages.com/485/medium/free_4858549.jpg" width="133" />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia; font-size: medium; line-height: 27px;">What I am wondering about you all out there is..... who is it you turn to in times of need? Your Sisters or your Friends? Do you count your sisters as your best friends or indeed your friends as your sisters? </span><br />
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fsmumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06594381836263987490noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-794213438319675477.post-44890907470367891392012-04-04T12:43:00.007+01:002012-06-23T11:17:24.444+01:00Can You Ever Get Enough Hugs? How do you feel?Can you ever get enough hugs? The answer for some, would be a resounding yes because they don't consider themselves to be huggy people. They are uncomfortable with touchy, feely people and so they retreat <i>from</i>, rather than respond <i>to </i>the hugs.<br />
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The answer for others, like my mother and other senior citizens that I have asked, would be no, because they simply do not get many, if <i>any </i>at all.<br />
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I would consider myself to be slightly resistant to hugs. I feel a little uncomfortable and find it hard to hug back. My brothers, who were never particularly huggy growing up, now greet and say goodbye with one. At a kiddie's party the other week, it was as if people could sense this from me as they didn't greet me with a hug as they did with others. I always feel a certain caginess about hugging and I wonder why, since I do feel good when I am given one. I wonder if it's because of my background or if its just something inert in me. As my Dad got older he used to give us what we called 'bone crusher' hugs, but I can't remember him doing that when we were younger. My mother hugged us a lot as children, but not so much when we grew up.<br />
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Yet, as a mother, I have no difficulty in accepting hugs from my little son. There is nothing that fills me with so much joy as a hug from those little arms. My mother loves to get hugs from her grandchildren as do many of her friends with theirs. They say they simply don't get as many these days. As their spouses and close relatives and friends are passing on, the hugs are few and far between. Since I heard this, I have been making efforts to hug my mother much more. Sometimes it's hard, after a conversation where I am being criticised as only mothers can do with their daughters, but I do it anyway. Though she wants and accepts the hugs and always seems delighted, I can still sense a kind of reticence where she wants to respond but holds back. If we get hugged less as we get older, I better start giving and receiving more now!<br />
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Once, on a family holiday to France, we passed through Barcelona. In the square, at the Cathedral, it felt like such a happy place. There were people hanging around with signs offering 'free hugs' and there were people just going up to avail of them.<br />
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For someone who is slightly nervous of being hugged, I felt compelled to give and receive one. The feeling was very strong and I thought I might actually do it. Then I looked at my parents-in-law who are quite reserved and knew they wouldn't approve. My father in law thought they were weirdos and since I often suspect he thinks I am too, I decided against it! They were more interested in entering the Cathedral for the latin mass so that is what I ended up doing too. It <i>was</i> beautiful but I would have preferred a free hug, given that I am usually so reserved about them. <br />
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There is even a facebook page and a <a href="http://www.freehugscampaign.org/">website </a>dedicated to the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/Free-Hugs/26116331873">'Free Hugs'</a>. You can see an <a href="http://freehugscampaign.org/images/freehug.jpg">example </a>here.<br />
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There is a woman known as <a href="http://www.ammaireland.org/about-amma.htm">'Amma'</a> who travels the world hugging people. She believes in the loving healing power of the hug. Apparently she has hugged more than 20 million people in all parts of the world. Now there is someone who is not afraid of hugs!<br />
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Am I alone with my feelings on this? How do <i>you </i>feel about hugs?fsmumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06594381836263987490noreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-794213438319675477.post-85780605584250717302012-03-20T18:36:00.003+00:002012-04-26T18:15:02.867+01:00Getting Old in IrelandIt really is no fun getting old in the Ireland of today. I am sure this is the case in many other countries too, but I am not able to speak for other places.<br />
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As an older mother, and, as of last week, someone who is nearer to fifty than forty, I now also <i>have</i> an older mother and I feel compelled to comment on this.<br />
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Let me tell you why.This week, my elderly mother, without any warning, received a letter from the HSE (Health Service Executive) stating that her home help/domestic care service is being cut. Not reduced, not suspended, but totally cut. There is no more government funding for it, apparently.<br />
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Before she was hospitalised for the first time, she had home help for only one hour a week. This was eventually increased to two, on doctor's recommendation. Now, when she needs it most, when she is sick and living alone, it has been taken away altogether.<br />
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Some would say, well why should she have 'free' domestic help anyway? I say, it is not 'free'. Donations are given voluntarily on a yearly basis from the person receiving the help or from their families. She, my father, and many others who face this situation now, worked all their lives for everything they ever got. I say, it is not free, because she created five children who have also worked all their lives, contributed to society and done their best not to cause trouble for anyone else. I say she deserves it, because she deserves to be respected and cared for in her twilight years. When her sons and daughter and their families are facing cutbacks, job losses, negative equity, higher taxes, extra charges, extortionate childcare costs, she should feel secure about whatever years that she has left.<br />
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She has been hospitalised on many occasions with her conditions, COPD and chronic asthma. She acquired these conditions through no fault of her own. She is on a nebuliser 8 times a day and requires regular antibiotics and steroids. Her conditions are a hereditary, genetic thing, mostly connected with age. She also has osteo-arthritis, a knee replacement and 50% blockage in her heart. She receives B12 injections each month for the rest of her life. For these reasons she has been in receipt of this home care package, provided by the HSE (Health Service Executive) for the past few years. She is unable to do housework as even such small things as dusting could set an attack off. Having a home carer, even for a few hours was a great help to her and to us, her family. My mother is lucky to have five children, all still living in this country who can help her when she really needs it. It is not always possible, as they all have young families and do not live in the immediate vicinity. The ridiculous rise in property prices, especially in Dublin, during The so called Celtic Tiger pushed them all out of their home county.<br />
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It's not just herself that my mother is worried about. She was a Home Carer herself in her younger days before she had to leave to look after my sick father. She relied on the money that it brought into our household, paltry as the sum was at the time. She is upset that some of the home carers may lose their livelihoods or have even more pay cuts. She remembers how it was for her in those very comparable times.<br />
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Think also of all the people who are older and sicker than my mother who have no-one to turn to for comfort. Can you imagine their confusion and anxiety when they received this letter in the post without any inkling beforehand? Some of these people don't have family near to hand or any family at all. They rely on their home carer to do housework, buy in groceries and they could be one of the few people they see all week.<br />
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I understand that there is an economic crisis. I understand that the country is in financial trouble. I understand that we have to face up to certain austerity measures but I wish the government would LEAVE OLD PEOPLE alone! Many of the wrong people have been getting many of the benefits in this country for many, many years. While I know that much of this is being dealt with now, I feel that it's not fair to now clamp down on the most vulnerable in our society. Old and sick people DO NOT deserve this worry after years of working and caring for the younger generation.<br />
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I am a person who usually doesn't get riled up about trivial things. Even the austerity measures and cutbacks that we are all facing I meet with a certain amount of acceptance. However, I am incensed about this because OLD PEOPLE have done their work and in some cases still are. They act as grandparents, advice givers and sometimes as guarantors. I was relieved that old peoples pensions were not cut but then found that they are taking the money from old people in many other ways. There are now household charges, prescription charges (even with long term illness and medical cards) and I have heard a rumour they now want to meddle with the free travel!<br />
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Only old people who need to be washed, helped in and out of bed and have their personal care/needs attended to will receive home help now. It seems that families, neighbours and friends are expected to do their housework, shopping etc. That is fine and people do what they can, but what about those who don't have families that care about them? What about those whose children live abroad? What about old people who don't have good neighbours and friends?<br />
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I saw recently, in the news that an elderly man was dead in his home for three months before anyone noticed. For old and sick people who are alone in this world, the home carer maybe all that stands between them being found like this some day.<br />
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I hope to see something in the media about it soon. It hasn't been mentioned so far and has happened without warning. I hope to hear people questioning the move as they did with the medical card issue for the elderly in the past. I know I have a personal interest in that it affects my mother. But surely it will affect the parents, relatives and friends of many others out there too.<br />
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Again, I say, LEAVE OLD PEOPLE ALONE. Let them have peace. They deserve to be cared for and respected in their twilight years.<br />
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How do YOU feel about this?<br />
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</h6>fsmumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06594381836263987490noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-794213438319675477.post-26305450163532778162012-03-07T11:55:00.001+00:002012-03-07T11:55:14.067+00:00Sweet Tooth and Sugar Cravings - Inate Or Developed?<div style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;">I was just reading a blog post over at <a href="http://mamacourage.blogspot.com/2012/02/sticky-side-of-sweet.html?showComment=1331117793716#c8204333241930770952">the Mama Courage blog</a> in which she talks about doing her best to introduce nutritious and healthy food to her child. Having a sweet tooth herself, she feels guilty tucking into cupcakes and chocolate in front of him. For the moment, he seems happy to accept a banana, or a yoghurt treat in lieu. She asks the question 'when is a good time to put down the banana puree and succumb to chocolate buttons?'</div><div style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;">It is an unusual thing to say, but maybe she won't have to. Take my son, for example. He is now four. He loved bananas, yoghurts, rice cakes and diced fruit as treats when he was younger. He still loves them to this day. He wouldn't thank you for a bar of chocolate or an iced cupcake. He likes only plain biscuits and plain ice cream. He would have a bite or two of something chocolatey but that would be it. Even when his Grandfather forces chocolate buttons and the like upon him, he just says he doesn't like them. His Granddad thinks him very odd as he is the only one of his twenty something grandchildren who refuses to eat them. He even handed back his Easter Eggs last year! </div><br />
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From what I can see, usually, it's when the child starts being offered sweets and chocolate by other people outside the household. Grandparents and other relatives may be the first culprits here. Mixing with other children who are allowed chocolate and sweets as a matter of course can also do it. The blogger says that she declines the treat on his behalf and that some people are incredulous at this. She says that her son is just as happy with fruit or yoghurt. It seems that the delayed introduction of processed sweet stuff isn't impacting on his happiness or development so, she asks, why would they want to hurry it?<br />
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Why indeed? An acute sweet tooth can cause problems that will extend from childhood into adulthood. It can spark off a lifetime of weight and dental problems. I was from a generation where it was deemed acceptable to have sugar sandwiches in your lunchbox! It was a cheap alternative the child was guaranteed to eat and yoghurts and rice cakes weren't on the menu way back then. I feel that this is where my addiction to sweet things started. I am now in my forties but I still battle to stop at one or two biscuits when I open a packet. I still binge eat on sweet things and my weight goes up and down on a regular basis.Thankfully, my son doesn't take after me in this respect. People think it odd that he refuses chocolate but he just didn't get the sort of things that I did as a child. I also think I may have overdosed on chocolate when he was in my womb and that helped to put him off!<br />
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What do you think? Is a sweet tooth something that you are born with or is it something that is developed? Are yoghurts and bananas just as likely to cause sweet cravings as sugary processed treats?fsmumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06594381836263987490noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-794213438319675477.post-53352143371323847612012-03-06T12:45:00.000+00:002012-03-06T12:45:35.241+00:00Hot Cross Mum - bite size slices of motherhoodI have been reading a blog for the past while named <a href="http://hotcrossmum.blogspot.com/2009_06_01_archive.html">'Hot Cross Mum'.</a> It's by a lady called Hazel Gaynor and I find it amusing, honest and smart all at the same time. Hazel left the world of work outside the home in 2009 to become a full-time mum. Her blog documents her mothering journey and all the joys and challenges that it throws up for her.<br />
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I was delighted then, to find that Hazel has written an e-book of the <a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B004TKWWZS/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=mamaie-21&linkCode=as2&camp=1634&creative=19450&creativeASIN=B004TKWWZS">same title</a>, and that I could download it to my new smartphone. I started to read it and immediately identified with things that she mentioned. I read some of it while my husband watched TV and annoyed him with my loud chuckling. I read the rest of it the following night.<br />
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It's a book that any mother will connect with and it's also a book that will cheer any mother up! It's certainly comforting to know as mothers, that any situation can be looked at with such humour! If you want a chuckle in your daily mothering routine, if you need a book that you can read in 'bitesize' pieces, then this is the <a href="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41W0f6bEEsL._SL110_.jpg">book </a>for you.fsmumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06594381836263987490noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-794213438319675477.post-65304381947885779482012-03-03T17:10:00.006+00:002012-03-06T12:14:43.823+00:00Freedom in ParenthoodA recent conversation with a friend compelled me to write about freedom in parenthood over at <a href="http://www.thewmparentingconnection.com/2012/03/freedom-in-parenthood.html">The WM Parenting Connection</a><br />
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She was lamenting about her bad day at work and all the things she had to deal with. She said that she wished she had the freedom that I had. As a stay at home parent on a career break, she thought my lifestyle was much freer than her own.<br />
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She really made me laugh because I am not free. As every parent knows, stay at home or otherwise, your life is never your own again, once you have kids. In essence, you swap one kind of servitude for another kind. You are still in bondage to someone other than yourself. <br />
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I am not complaining and wouldn't have it any other way now. I love my new life, even the challenging bits. I am a mother for four years now, but almost every day still feels new. <br />
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I mention in the <a href="http://www.thewmparentingconnection.com/2012/03/freedom-in-parenthood.html">piece </a>the things that I do to make myself <i>feel</i> free in my new lifestyle. I go for breakfasts with friends while my son is at preschool. I take long walks and practice yoga. I write when I can.<br />
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What things do you do to make <i>yourself </i>feel free?fsmumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06594381836263987490noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-794213438319675477.post-19668885003737373392012-02-24T19:36:00.005+00:002012-02-29T12:17:30.370+00:00Sick in the Head?I am unwell at the moment. I have some kind of virus. Or bug. Or infection. It started weeks ago as a cough and has now graduated into a full blown illness. I woke up yesterday with a thumping head, sore throat and aches in parts of my body I didn't know existed.<br />
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My little boy, who is four, also has a cough. But he has had his cough on and off since October. The doctor thinks he has mild asthma and has now caught the virus too. He is on two inhalers and a tablet but the cough is still bad. He has been referred to an asthma specialist so we'll see how that goes.<br />
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I have been feeling sorry for myself mainly because of the unbearable tiredness. But although I am actually sick, I sometimes feel I am 'sick in the head'. At the end of the day, when I look at the news, I see what real troubles are. I am not in Syria or any of the countries where ordinary people are suffering right now. What they would give to only have a virus to worry about! What they would give to not have to see their family and friends die in front of their eyes. What I am, is one very lucky forty something first time mum with loads of support and privileges!<br />
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I have been very moved watching the news lately and very thankful to be in the position that I am in. It made me sad to read about the Journalist Marie Colvin who was killed in Syria this week.<a href="http://wafaamrblog.blogspot.com/2012/02/marie-colvin.html">http://wafaamrblog.blogspot.com/2012/02/marie-colvin.html</a>. It seems she spent years in various countries highlighting human rights issues and the plight of the ordinary citizen. What a brave woman, writing about things that are both life-threatening and life-saving in this world. And ultimately paying the price by losing her own life.<br />
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I know that everything is relative to who and where you are in life but, as they say, it could happen to anyone. None of us are immune to what life can give us.I often think that I am actually very sheltered and live a very blessed life. I just hope that I am appreciating it enough.<br />
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I don't have to worry about anything except my immediate and extended family and friends, from the time I get up until the time I sleep. My mother was recently ill but has recovered, and we are all fairly healthy apart from the odd virus! So many people around me are splitting up, losing their jobs and homes, suffering cutbacks and illnesses and I wonder, why, so , far I am escaping it. I hope I am not jinxing myself in saying all this, as life has a way of throwing things at you when you least expect it.<br />
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Anyway, I just wanted to say that although I am feeling kind of sorry for myself at the moment, I know I am very blessed. I am going to stop worrying about getting older and getting fatter and various other things. So many people don't get that chance at all. For those of us who are lucky enough to have a family, a roof over our heads, food on the table and enough money to live, we should be so thankful.<br />
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But still, if anyone has any remedies or ideas for helping a mucusy cough, sore throat and a general feeling of lethargy, don't be shy to let me know what they are. I am definitely sick in body even if I'm not sure about the head! So far, lettuce, manuka honey, gargling with salt have been suggested on facebook. Click here to see the suggestions so far <a href="https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=3254494919754&id=1188492697">https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=3254494919754&id=1188492697</a> and feel free to leave your own suggestions in the comments below.<br />
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</span>fsmumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06594381836263987490noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-794213438319675477.post-65979215946846423792012-02-14T11:53:00.001+00:002012-02-24T15:21:42.066+00:00Brave, Mad, Selfish?I have written about it before but I find myself doing it yet again. Of course, the 'it' is always something that gets into my head, so writing about it here really helps to get it out again.<br />
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The other day the 'it' was being harassed by teenagers in the playground as I tried to have fun with my son<br />
<div style="text-align: right;"></div><a href="http://fortysomethingfirsttimemum.blogspot.com/2012/02/this-isnt-me.html">http://fortysomethingfirsttimemum.blogspot.com/2012/02/this-isnt-me.html</a> and today the 'it' is me being branded crazy for having a first baby in my forties. This, from someone who had all their children by the time they were twenty five. This person is adamant that her way was the right way, not allowing for circumstances, different strokes for different folks or indeed, fate.<br />
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This is where I wrote about it before <a href="http://www.thewmparentingconnection.com/2010/06/brave-and-selfish-by-claire-hegarty.html">http://www.thewmparentingconnection.com/2010/06/brave-and-selfish-by-claire-hegarty.html</a> and I still feel the same way. I was delighted to receive so many supportive comments on the subject at the time and I really appreciated reading them. It is even better when someone who has done it a completely different way still is open minded enough to realise that their way is not the only way it should be!<br />
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You will better understand where I am coming from if you read this <a href="http://flowerpowermom.com/over-40-mom-blogs-from-ireland/">http://flowerpowermom.com/over-40-mom-blogs-from-ireland/</a> and <a href="http://www.inseasonmom.org/FeaturedMom.html">http://www.inseasonmom.org/FeaturedMom.html</a><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhb8t8u22PBuluUJD016Hg9Oz-FJ4CfhomrvZFnyTwMm4uHpb5PvizYBiw1Kw3jTMG9Ff4DKvEuI0nkots2DJMrOWtMDTESTYjCQmAup-qNhh1J0dPWLoEQB_89EUk4y3sIOEdgybiZIzvx/s1600/DSCF5775.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhb8t8u22PBuluUJD016Hg9Oz-FJ4CfhomrvZFnyTwMm4uHpb5PvizYBiw1Kw3jTMG9Ff4DKvEuI0nkots2DJMrOWtMDTESTYjCQmAup-qNhh1J0dPWLoEQB_89EUk4y3sIOEdgybiZIzvx/s320/DSCF5775.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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Sometimes, I <i>do </i>wish that I had done things differently. Sometimes, I <i>do </i>wish that I had had children when I was younger. Sometimes, I <i>do</i> wish that my mind was not so set against the idea for so long. But mostly I wish that people who have done things differently didn't feel the need to pass judgement that anything different to what they think about it is so wrong.<br />
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I <i>may </i>be a forty five year old first time mother (almost forty six) of a four year old toddler, but I wouldn't have it any other way. In my twenties and for some of my thirties, I was all over the place. I was also working and partying my time away. Now <i>that</i> certainly wouldn't have been the time for me to bring a child into this world. Now I have the privilege of being on a career break and I have time to spend with my child that I wouldn't have had at an earlier age.<br />
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I have been called 'crazy' and 'mad' to embark on motherhood in my forties. I don't think that I am either of those things, but maybe, just maybe, there is a grain of truth in that, but only a grain.... a very small grain.....................<br />
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What do you think? Am I? Am I?fsmumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06594381836263987490noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-794213438319675477.post-14366465718399103082012-02-11T12:56:00.000+00:002012-02-11T13:45:02.269+00:00This isn't me!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>This isn't me! Or at least, it <i>wasn't </i>me!<br />
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I am not, or at least, I <i>was</i> not, one of those timid women who cowered in the face of adversity. I have always been able to say what I think and admonish where admonishment was needed. So, I am exasperated at my own behaviour in our local park the other day. Indeed, it has infuriated me so much, that I am still admonishing myself<i> </i>about it!<br />
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Let me fill you in on what happened! <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga001zC9wQyxCttYQ2tarjBi4f07EvpafiLKGDoChLv2ceETVf6Rdcerwg4pyD2Sh71rwgpKJpqaRs-P6XMlh5CFQiuZlPTRvFi8cXtXjGXSYO8v1SAyCSOKKOa6B2S0rve9lx7QjmTyds/s1600/DSCF6603.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga001zC9wQyxCttYQ2tarjBi4f07EvpafiLKGDoChLv2ceETVf6Rdcerwg4pyD2Sh71rwgpKJpqaRs-P6XMlh5CFQiuZlPTRvFi8cXtXjGXSYO8v1SAyCSOKKOa6B2S0rve9lx7QjmTyds/s320/DSCF6603.JPG" width="320" /></a>I am sitting on the bench, happily watching my little boy mucking around with some other kids on the swings and slides. He is getting mucky as it had been raining earlier and the ground is wet. I just sit there smiling because he is enjoying himself. I exchange the odd pleasantry with another mother. I am enjoying myself too. Then, out of nowhere, our fun is ruined.<br />
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Three teenage boys hoist themselves up onto the bigger slide and sit at the top smoking. Our children are playing just underneath as one of the boys flicks his ash down towards them. I am incensed and get up to caution them but they don't care. I ask them politely to move to let the children play and to find somewhere else to hang out. The expletives and obscenities showered upon me are too horrible to repeat. One of them poured a can of lager down the slide and made a rude gesture at me.<br />
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The other mother gathered her children and left immediately and, after a little hesitation, I did the same. I did not want my child to witness any more of their vulgarity. And I am ashamed to say, that I was also very scared.<br />
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I wish, in that situation, that I had been like I was before I became a mother. Back then, I would have challenged them more. I would have been angrier. I would not have been so scared. I would not have just walked away. But these days, the fear rises inside me like bile, and I worry that I would not be around for my little boy, if something were to happen.<br />
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I am a forty something first time mum and I want to be around for my son for as long as I can. This is what motivates me to avoid danger these days. That's what I want to think anyway. My mother says that she feels like this nearly all the time. She thinks the older you get the more vulnerable you get and the more fearful you get.<br />
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I would love to know what others think and what others would have done in this situation. Did I do the right thing?fsmumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06594381836263987490noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-794213438319675477.post-42501089554220480582012-01-22T14:58:00.000+00:002012-01-23T19:03:47.595+00:00It's Happened at Last..... The Icing On The Cake!<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Well, it's finally happened to me. I always said if this day ever came I would have truly flipped! In my twenties and thirties, while others of my age were settling down and figuring out what family life was all about, I was working and partying my days away.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">As anyone who knows me well will agree, I have never been the most domesticated person. What's more I have never yearned to be. I have always felt that life is too short for housework, baking and even parenting! I saw these things as too mundane, ordinary, and restricting and that terrified me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">So it's ironic now, that even though I came to parenthood late, I find that it is not only the best thing that ever happened to me but I love the way of life! <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I admit that I actually get satisfaction from doing housework now. But hey, those who know me needn't worry too much. It's not that fulfilling that I will spend time doing it when something more interesting presents itself! I am still liable to drop everything and worry about it later. Life is still too short to do <i>too much</i> housework! And the older I get the shorter it gets so alternative activities get priority!<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">The best bit of it all though is sharing time with my four year old son. We do lots of fun things together and I love reliving my childhood with him. He has been pestering me for a while now to bake some cookies and cupcakes or biscuits and fairy cakes as we call them here in Ireland. I have been putting it off for ages because baking is something I never enjoyed as a child and hated even more in domestic science at school. My mother used to get annoyed at the mess and say I had more on the floor than in the bowl. My teacher was an old nun who was very strict and unmotivating. Actually to say I hated baking and cooking is really an understatement.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I have wonderful sisters in laws and a mother in law that can bake anything. I also have a friend who can do the same. They always put me to shame because they bake their kid’s birthday cakes and all the things that go with it. I go to the shop for everything, birthday cake, cupcakes, biscuits, the lot! <o:p></o:p></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I have never baked from the day I left the domestic science class in favour of another subject aged about fifteen. </span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">However, last week, while out with my cousins, I spotted a cute baking kit and decided to buy it for my little boy. I knew he would love it since he has been pestering me for ages and I thought buying it might finally </span><i style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">egg </i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">me on. And what do you know, it did. It actually did! I had had conversations with various friends about the fun they have baking with their kids but put it out of my mind. Yet yesterday I found myself in the baking aisle of the supermarket perusing all the things we would need.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Today, my little boy and I made our first batch of cookies and our first batch of fairy/queenie/cupcakes and we couldn't be more thrilled! True, the cupcakes are a little pathetic since some of them haven't risen but hey, it's a first attempt! The cookies are not too bad considering we forgot to add vanilla essence and they could probably do with being sweeter. They do look cute though, cut out into shapes of little men, women and elephants. I really must do something about getting some cat cookie cutters. Now <i>that</i> would please us even more since we are both cat crazy!<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixAEjJzmhBf7jQHXb7x56FH2ke5DTguFS1xO4RyLVsNg-L2_ukS6epwY_afl9e1F69p2VRrUkzbwdgwH4JEUhXiASS_XU0QCP-BX392csKiXO5bI6fTqQdjD3c8NLNCeJYNaZdLvlIcTbI/s1600/DSC01115.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixAEjJzmhBf7jQHXb7x56FH2ke5DTguFS1xO4RyLVsNg-L2_ukS6epwY_afl9e1F69p2VRrUkzbwdgwH4JEUhXiASS_XU0QCP-BX392csKiXO5bI6fTqQdjD3c8NLNCeJYNaZdLvlIcTbI/s320/DSC01115.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I have started to bake. I have started to bake. I have started to bake. I have to keep repeating that as it seems so incredible to me! And even more uncharacteristically, I think I might even have the baking bug. I can't wait to try making banana bread and carrot cake next. Gosh, is that me saying that? It can't be, can it? But, it is..........I am now a fully-fledged domesticated parent. It has finally and unbelievably happened to me! Just have to figure out how to finally put the icing on the cake!<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br />
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</div>fsmumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06594381836263987490noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-794213438319675477.post-244620592407248542011-12-07T23:35:00.001+00:002011-12-07T23:35:13.401+00:00Enough Trust<h3 class="post-title entry-title" style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; position: relative;"><a href="http://fortysomethingfirsttimemum.blogspot.com/2011/05/enough-trust.html" style="color: #8a2e2e; text-decoration: none;">Enough Trust</a></h3><div class="post-header" style="background-color: white; color: #959595; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.6; margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div class="post-header-line-1"></div></div><div class="post-body entry-content" id="post-body-8879433262645296855" style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.4; position: relative; width: 578px;"><a href="http://www.thewmparentingconnection.com/2011/05/enough-trust.html" style="color: #8a2e2e; text-decoration: none;">http://www.thewmparentingconnection.com/2011/05/enough-trust.html</a><br />
My latest post over at the WM Parenting Connection in which I talk about how I hope my son will see me as older and wiser rather than an old fogey! I hope he will be able to trust me enough to confide in me about whatever he is going through in life. All comments welcome.</div>fsmumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06594381836263987490noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-794213438319675477.post-88610709633163631392011-11-12T13:31:00.000+00:002011-11-12T13:31:03.693+00:00Photographing Your Child In PublicMy latest post is up over at<br />
<a href="http://www.thewmparentingconnection.com/2011/11/photographing-your-child-in-public.html">http://www.thewmparentingconnection.com/2011/11/photographing-your-child-in-public.html</a>fsmumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06594381836263987490noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-794213438319675477.post-80103186915529694322011-10-16T11:00:00.000+01:002011-10-16T11:00:10.519+01:00Oct 15 - International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance DayYesterday was International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I posted about it over at<br />
<a href="http://www.thewmparentingconnection.com/2011/10/international-pregnancy-and-infant-loss.html">http://www.thewmparentingconnection.com/2011/10/international-pregnancy-and-infant-loss.html</a>fsmumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06594381836263987490noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-794213438319675477.post-51362187285258646132011-09-26T10:12:00.000+01:002011-09-26T10:12:08.311+01:00Use the Credit Card.... From the Mouths of Babes!A recent experience in a toy shop led me to write the following post:<br />
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<a href="http://www.thewmparentingconnection.com/2011/09/use-credit-card-from-mouths-of-babes.html">http://www.thewmparentingconnection.com/2011/09/use-credit-card-from-mouths-of-babes.html</a><br />
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I am very interested to hear what others think.fsmumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06594381836263987490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-794213438319675477.post-58396219962846557852011-09-21T11:33:00.000+01:002011-09-21T11:33:22.788+01:00Children at Weddings?Having attended two weddings recently to which my litte boy was also invited, I wrote the following post<br />
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<a href="http://www.thewmparentingconnection.com/2011/09/children-at-weddings.html">http://www.thewmparentingconnection.com/2011/09/children-at-weddings.html</a><br />
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<img height="240" src="http://a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/300961_10150799270430414_808970413_20870290_1028746962_n.jpg" width="320" />fsmumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06594381836263987490noreply@blogger.com5