Pop over to the WM Parenting connection for my latest article

I have an article update over at the brilliant WM Parenting Connection site if you want to pop over and take a look ! Any comments or feedback would be very much appreciated on that site and of course, on my blog here.

Thanks so much!

http://www.thewmparentingconnection.com/2010/08/real-world-by-claire-hegarty_08.html

Everyday Gyaan

I will update soon! Meanwhile scoot on over to the brilliant Everyday Gyaan site.

http://www.everydaygyaan.com/2010/08/met-this-forty-something-first-time-mom.html

A Mum at last! (Reposted)

As you can guess from the title of this blog, I am a forty something first time mum. Or as we say here in Ireland 'Mam' or 'Mammy'. I decided to write this blog to reach out to other older mums and to indulge my love of the printed word.

It can be a lonely business being a forty something first time mum. After all, as someone kindly pointed out to me, people of my age usually have older and even fully grown children. The fact that some people think this hit me at a mother and toddler group that I went to recently. The leader asked me if I was my two year old son's 'nana' (grandmother)! 

I was horrified and I am sure my face dropped even further than it obviously looked. I had thought that I actually looked pretty ok for my forty four years. I went into the toilets with my son and gazed in the mirror asking myself questions.  Did I have what I recently saw termed  as 'age orexia?  When I looked in the mirror I saw a reasonably young face looking back at me!! Was I deluding myself?  I had enjoyed the group up until that point but as my little boy didn't seem to want to join in either,(hows that for solidarity?) we
left. I had begun to see the group as a whole different generation to me. Most of the other parents were at least ten years younger than me and they only reminded me that I am indeed a bit of an oldie. 

You may wonder, if I am so worried about being an older mum, why I left it so late? The answer  is, there were many reasons, mostly to do with insecurities and wrong perspective on life. I did not want to be poor, trapped and miserable. After all, that's what had happened to a lot of older women around me, not to mention some of my peers who had children at a young age. And so, I spent my twenties and thirties in a partying haze, pushing kids to the bottom of my list. In fact, they really were not on my list at all!

Even when I married at age 34, I wasn't that interested in having children. Luckily, my other half did not pressurise me or seem to mind too much. In fact, he once said he thought I was too immature to have kids! The pot and the kettle come to mind in that regard! We both had good full time jobs and enjoyed going away, drinking and going out for meals. I didn't believe in the biological clock either or that it would ever tick for me. 

That's why, at around age 38 , when I suddenly started to take a big interest in my nieces and nephews, everyone was surprised.  Although I loved them, I really didn't connect with them that much. My brothers never asked me to babysit much and everyone said I preferred animals to kids. I guess, in hindsight, it would have seemed that way, but deep down I think I was just trying to avoid the whole issue. I had so many issues around childbirth and motherhood, it pains me to think of it now.

I couldn't bear to hear about pregnancies or see childbirth scenes on the television. I felt it was a humiliating and degrading experience for the woman and that as usual the man got off scot free.So, with this attitude, It really scared me when I started to ogle babies in their prams, and wonder what it would be like to have a child of my own! What was happening to me? Had I been wrong about the biological clock because it sure seemed to have started ticking for me, however late!

I really started to feel I wanted a child and my husband felt the same. We tried, but unfortunately nothing happened for a long time. Then I had my first miscarriage. I didn't even realise that was what it was at the time so ignorant of all things of that ilk was I. 

As time went on and I hit the age of forty, I decided to forget about the whole idea. By that stage I felt that it was probably my own fault that I could not conceive. I had spent the best part of 38 years saying I did not want children. Now it seemed as if my body was responding in kind. I felt as if I had willed it into not wanting them and it was just complying with my wishes. I remember someone saying to me at that time, that since I was forty, I might as well face the fact I would never have kids. I was sad but decided to get on with life and not think about it. Parenthood is not the path for everyone and it is not in everyone's life journey. I thought that was probably the case with me. I went part time in my day job and set up my own dogwalking and petsitting business and felt, for the most part content with my life.

Then, at the age of 41, it happened! I was pregnant! And whats more I was over three months gone before I even realised. I had lost track of my cycle because I had put it out of my mind. I was not sick and had no other symptoms. I felt terrific with boundless energy.It was only my husband said he hadn't heard me complaining about period pain for a while, that it even crossed my mind. I was soooooooooo happy when the test came up positive. I did two more just to be sure and the result was the same. Positive. Positive. Positive!

Some people were shocked and urged me to have all manner of tests done because of my age. I went for some private counselling just to be sure it was something we could handle. We then decided that we would forego the tests and just accept whatever and whoever was sent to us. I just knew then, that even if those tests had showed up any abnormalities we were ready for it. Thankfully, all was perfect and in November 2007 our beautiful son was born. It really was the best day of my life! Now I knew what people meant.

If I had known before what I found out that day and what I know now, I would have tried to have children a lot earlier. I realise now that even if it did cause me to be trapped, that having a child is a wonderful, beautiful blessing. In fact, parenthood has not trapped or frightened me in any way. So far, it is a bonus and an enhancement to my life and I think I can speak for my husband there too.

Since then, I have wanted another child really badly. I have a strong longing for that but I also wanted it for my little son. I would like him to have a sibling so that having older parents won't be a burden to him in later life. Sadly, I had a miscarriage last year age 43 and it was devastating. We are so so so thankful for the child we have and I am so grateful my body clock ticked loudly and woke me up before it really was too late!

In my wildest dreams, I never thought I would become a forty something first time mum but here I am!!! Yippee!!

Three Little Birds

I love this song. The Bob Marley version is great. I spotted this version on EverydayGyaan blog.It's sung by the little

girl Connie Talbot who performed on Britain's got Talent. I often sing this to my little boy

and she does a great job singing this. My little man was enthralled by it! I guess I won't

be singing it to him anymore.

http://www.everydaygyaan.com/2010/03/musical-monday-three-little-birds.html

Everyday Gyaan: Musical Monday - Three Little Birds

Everyday Gyaan: Musical Monday - Three Little Birds

OOOh this is so sweet and a song I always sing to my little boy

I count my blessings

There is no such thing as gratitude unexpressed. If it is unexpressed, it is plain, old-fashioned ingratitude. ~Robert Brault

As a fortysomething first time mother, I really have a lot to be thankful for. I don't express this gratitude as often as I should so I am going to put it down here for all the world to see.

I am full of gratitude that I had a healthy and happy first pregnancy at the age of forty One. I then went on to have a healthy and happy baby boy. That little boy is a truly blessed addition to my life. He is one of seven grandchildren on my side of the family and one of twenty on the other. All of those children are healthy children and that is another thing to be truly thankful for.

Sadly, my father passed on nine years ago yesterday but I am thankful that my mother is still around. She loves life and always looks fantastic and makes the most of herself. I love the fact that even though she is in bad health, with chronic asthma, arthritis, she is still living her life. She is on a nebuliser 6 times a day and tons of medication but doesn't let it get her down. As I write this, she is out on a day trip with her friends. And this, a day after she received some bad news at the hospital on the date of my father's anniversary. She has now developed a growth on her pancreas and, while she is worried, she says if anything is to happen, she is grateful for her life so far and she is happy. We came out of the hospital, visited my father's grave, went out for lunch and then went shopping. She said she was thankful to be able to do all that and to have me and my son to do it with. What an attitude of gratitude that is!

My little boy is napping as I write this and I am offering up thanks that we have a peaceful home in which to lay our heads. So many people in the world do not have this luxury. Although it is an old house and needs improvement, I am thrilled to be living here. I sat in my garden today, appreciating the greenery and the privacy, and the space for my little boy to play in.

I am thankful that I have the option of taking a career break to stay at home with my little boy for the first few years of his life and that my husband has a good job in these recessionary times.

I am so grateful for my four lovely brothers and their families. I do not express that enough and we do not see each other enough so that is something I need to think about a little more.

I heard today that a woman I know, who is the same age as me has just been transferred to a hospice to die. She has fought cancer before and succeeded but this time it was not to be. I often go on about being a forty something mother when some others of my age are grandmothers. This woman's daughter had a baby at the same time as me so she is one of those people. However, even though she is a grandmother, she is far, far too young to die. I am truly thankful that at the same age and with a young child to look after I am in for the most part in good health.

I am so thankful for the friends and good neighbours I have in my life. At my ante natal classes I was lucky enough to meet a new friend, also in her forties and now also mother to a two and a half year old boy. He has now become my son's best friend. This evening a friend is coming over to keep me company and sip some wine.

I am overwhelmed with things to be thankful for. At night, if I cannot sleep or feel put out about anything, I write my blessings down. They are far to numerous to put down here but I am sure I could go on writing about it forever.

I laugh every day now!

Laughter is an instant vacation.-- Milton Berle

I laugh every single day now because of my little boy. Like all children, he comes out with some very funny stuff. Even the expressions on his little face can set me off. I can be feeling ill or cranky and just one amusing thing he does gives me an instant lift. What a wonderful gift to give his Mammy!

While trying to teach him his manners, I always ask him for the 'magic' word which should be 'please'. Today when I asked him that question, he replied 'Daddy'. Of course, his Dad was delighted to hear this and highly amused.