Tuesday, August 30, 2011


I decided to post this on my own blog today after reading it over at http://latebloomingmom.blogspot.com/

I certainly can identify with some of these ten ways, though not every older mother will.  I do think the ten points are meant to be funny and tongue in cheek.  At least that is the way I take them....

Over at my Facebook Page some people totally disagree with them.  I have posted some of the comments at the end of the post.

1. They get tired. We get exhausted. And we do it before ten a.m.
  • 2. They wash or discard any piece of their kid's food that hits the ground. We practice the ten-second rule: if it wasn't on the ground ten seconds, it's good eatin'.
  • 3.Sometimes we practice the 20-second rule.
  • 4.They still call it a "vacation" when the kids come.
  • 5.Their kids wear pjs. Our kids sleep in their school clothes. It's a helluva time saver in the morning. (tee hee - love this!  Tongue in cheek!  JOKE!)
  • 6. They make nutritious, home-cooked dinners. We maintain an extensive file of take-out menus.
  • 7. They write holiday letters documenting the family's doings, with hand-written notes to their friends and relatives. We're lucky to get an unsigned photo card in the mail by New Year's.
  • 8. They are perky. We're not. Not even on caffeine. You don't want to know us on caffeine. (Tee Hee!)
  • 9. Their kids wear brand-new, matching outfits. Our kids wear hand-me-downs that saved us a trip to the mall and being the pitied mom whose kid won't leave without throwing a fit because we didn't buy them FILL IN THE BLANK HERE.
  • 10. When given the choice of sex with their partner or sleep, younger moms still choose sex. What's that like? (love it!  :))

    • I couldn't post a comment on your blog? I totally disagree!!!!its not about being an older or younger mum. These 10 points spell LAZY!
      18 hours ago · 

    • Claire Hegarty B Then I am lazy!
      18 hours ago · 

    • Claire Hegarty B I will post what you said over there and see who agrees! :)
      18 hours ago · 

    • Vincent Houlihan As long as Mam and Baby are healthy and happy. age is only a number. Nature decides..not stupid people with age calculators. MY Mam had her first at 22 and the last at 42..she is now 82 and I could not get her to come off the dance floor in graingers last weekend. THE BABY AT 42 BECAME A DADDY THE SAME YEAR AS THE BABY AT 22 BECAME A GRANDAD LOL
      10 hours ago ·  ·  1 person

    • Helen Tyrrell I found the the whole 10 points very american,no mother young or old would have their children sleeping in school clothes .
      2 hours ago · 

    • Helen Tyrrell the 10 points is all about having no time,not younger mother v older mother.
      2 hours ago · 

    • Claire Hegarty B Nobody I know would do that Helen but the ten points are meant to be tongue in cheek, I would say! I do have contact with a lot of older mothers, especially FIRST TIME older mothers who may not be as used to getting things organised etc as older mums who already have kids and most of them do have a little bit more chaos around it.
      7 minutes ago · 

    • Claire Hegarty B Also, both myself and my friend who had babies at almost 42 do feel a lot more tired than our younger counterparts. I have talked to both types of mums at length about this. I fear that if I didn't go walking, have early nights, watch my diet and do yoga, my energy levels would really plummet.
      4 minutes ago · 

    • Claire Hegarty B I do think the tiredness makes me a bit lazy at times, and because I lead a busy life, time can be an issue. If I was more organised I could probably resolve all this.
      3 minutes ago · 

Thursday, August 25, 2011

How A Child Learns: .........

I thought such awful thoughts that I cannot even say them out loud because they would make Jesus want to drink gin straight out of the cat dish. — Anne Lamott

This quote came up on my Facebook page from one of my many inspirational Facebook friends. A bolt of recognition shot through me when I read it.  It reminded me of those awful self hating thoughts that plagued me during my teens, twenties and part of my thirties. 

Back then, before I changed my way of thinking, I despised everything about myself.  I was consumed with criticism and hostility towards myself.  I was insecure, had no confidence and ridiculed myself on a daily basis.  If anyone criticised me negatively, I agreed with them! When people were nice to me, wanted to be my friend or more, I didn't believe them.  I assumed there was an ulterior motive, I was standoffish on occasions. I drank too much, to block out the pain and I even thought of ending it all at times. I spent a large part of my life in tears. Looking back, I wasted so much precious life being this way. 

Little Girl Crying on Her Bed - Royalty Free Clipart Picture 

I believe that this lack of self esteem, self worth and self love led me to believe that I would be the worst mother in the world.  I also didn't want to bring a child into the world who would ever have those same kind of feelings about themselves.  I wasn't sure I would be able to prevent this as my own parents didn't with me.  I know that they did the best they could do but, in those days, many children were treated in a very different way than they are now. My mother is kind but quite a critical person and my father was genuine, but oversensitive, depressive and an alcoholic. They were good people and parented as best they knew how.  They weren't really aware of any damage that was done to their children and I hasten to stress that fact.

Thankfully, I was able to overcome my problems with time, self help and a lot of self love. Something happened to me that jolted me right into the reality that if I continued on the self destructive path, there would be worse to come. 

I started to consume self help books, had counselling and read about inspirational people who overcame much adversity in their lives.  I realised that it is true that everything begins with the thoughts in your mind, every action, every decision you make. I realised that I had to take the responsibility of altering my mindset upon myself. I realised that I couldn't blame anyone else if I couldn't turn things around.  I had a mind of my own and it was up to me to use it properly. All my negative thinking had led me to hating myself, to being overweight, to drinking too much, to being in jobs or relationships that were not good for me. It was lovely to find that by changing the thinking, I began to love myself, lose weight, drink much less, find a job and a man I love.  And Yes!  Have that baby!  I was in my forties when I eventually had him but better late than never I say!

Of course, there are still challenges in all areas of my life. I am still a work in progress but I am loving learning more about myself and life every day.  And the best thing is that I DON'T feel selfish doing it because I know, by being a happier person, it will impact on those around me.

I hope that I can help my child to avoid all the mental suffering that I and many friends of my generation went through.  I have a lovely friend Liz Mitchell, who will understand exactly what I mean when I talk about how children of our generation were brought up.  As a sensitive child, she went through much the same stuff and as a sensitive and damaged adult went on to suffer at the hands of others.

One day, she woke up and realised that she didn't have to do that and that she could change her world.  She is now the wonderful forty something mother of two beautiful daughters.  She is a shining example to them of how you can change your way of thinking and you can follow your dreams no matter what your age.  Hopefully we are more aware these days of how a child learns and how and what they will learn from us.

See this link  about my friend and you will see what I mean!   http://www.burnley.ac.uk/web09/content/case_studies_details.asp?id=86

Liz Mitchell
Liz Mitchell - Fortysomething Mum and  DreamCatcher

I'll leave you with the food for thought below....

How A Child Learns 
If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, she learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame, she learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement, she learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness, she learns justice.
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval, she learns to like herself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world.
(Dorothy Law Nolte)


Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Is It Bribery or Compromise? And Is it Right Or Wrong?


My latest post over at the The WM Parenting Connection can be found at the above link.

In theory, you shouldn't bribe your children when you want them to do something.  Before I actually had my child, I would have been the first to agree.  Funny how things change.

I would be interested to hear how others feel on the subject.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Untidy House, Untidy life?

Someone once said to me that an untidy house equals an untidy life.

I beg to differ on this one!  My house is untidy a lot of the time. However, as the author mentioned in my post says, 'it's a sign I have a life and not that I need to get one! Check out what I have written on the subject over at http://www.thewmparentingconnection.com/2011/08/untidy-house-untidy-life.html

As Erma Bombeck once quipped ' My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire or block the refrigerator door, let it be.'

and I also agree that:

'cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow, but children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow. So quiet down cobwebs! Dust go to Sleep!  I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep!' Ruth Hamilton

Remember! The work will wait while you show the child the rainbow, but the rainbow won't wait while you do the work. --Author Unknown

Our house is clean enough to be healthy, and dirty enough to be happy.