Friday, February 24, 2012

Sick in the Head?

I am unwell at the moment. I have some kind of virus.  Or bug.  Or infection.  It started weeks ago as a cough and has now graduated into a full blown illness.  I woke up yesterday with a thumping head, sore throat and aches in parts of my body I didn't know existed.

My little boy, who is four, also has a cough.  But he has had his cough on and off since October.  The doctor thinks he has mild asthma and has now caught the virus too.  He is on two inhalers and a tablet but the cough is still bad.  He has been referred to an asthma specialist so we'll see how that goes.

I have been feeling sorry for myself mainly because of the unbearable tiredness. But although I am actually sick, I sometimes feel I am 'sick in the head'.  At the end of the day, when I look at the news, I see what real troubles are.  I am not in Syria or any of the countries where ordinary people are suffering right now.  What they would give to only have a virus to worry about! What they would give to not have to see their family and friends die in front of their eyes. What I am, is one very lucky forty something first time mum with loads of support and privileges!

I have been very moved watching the news lately and very thankful to be in the position that I am in. It made me sad to read about the Journalist Marie Colvin who was killed in Syria this week. It seems she spent years in various countries highlighting human rights issues and the plight of the ordinary citizen. What a brave woman, writing about things that are both life-threatening and life-saving in this world.  And ultimately paying the price by losing her own life.

I know that everything is relative to who and where you are in life but, as they say, it could happen to anyone.  None of us are immune to what life can give us.I often think that I am actually very sheltered and live a very blessed life.  I just hope that I am appreciating it enough.

I don't  have to worry about anything except my immediate and extended family and friends, from the time I get up until the time I sleep. My mother was recently ill but has recovered, and we are all fairly healthy apart from the odd virus! So many people around me are splitting up, losing their jobs and homes, suffering cutbacks and illnesses and I wonder, why, so , far I am escaping it.  I hope I am not jinxing myself in saying all this, as life has a way of throwing things at you when you least expect it.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that although I am feeling kind of sorry for myself at the moment, I know  I am very blessed. I am going to stop worrying about getting older and getting fatter and various other things.  So many people don't get that chance at all.  For those of us who are lucky enough to have a family, a roof over our heads, food on the table and enough money to live, we should be so thankful.

But still, if anyone has any remedies or ideas for helping a mucusy cough, sore throat and a general feeling of lethargy, don't be shy to let me know what they are.  I am definitely sick in body even if I'm not sure about the head! So far, lettuce, manuka honey, gargling with salt have been suggested on facebook.  Click here to see the suggestions so far  and feel free to leave your own suggestions in the comments below.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Brave, Mad, Selfish?

I have written about it before but I find myself doing it yet again.   Of course, the 'it' is always something that gets into my head, so writing about it here really helps to get it out again.

The other day the 'it' was being harassed by teenagers in the playground as I tried to have fun with my son  and today the 'it' is me being branded  crazy for having a first baby in my forties. This, from someone who had all their children by the time they were twenty five. This person is adamant that her way was the right way, not allowing for circumstances, different strokes for different folks or indeed, fate.

This is where I wrote about it before and I still feel the same way. I was delighted to receive so many supportive comments on the subject at the time and I really appreciated reading them. It is even better when someone who has done it a completely different way still is open minded enough to realise that their way is not the only way it should be!

You will better understand where I am coming from if you read this  and

Sometimes, I do wish that I had done things differently.  Sometimes, I  do wish that I had had children when I was younger.  Sometimes, I do wish that my mind was not so set against the idea for so long.  But mostly I wish that people who have done things differently didn't feel the need to pass judgement that anything different to what they think about it is so wrong.

I may be a forty five year old first time mother (almost forty six) of a four year old toddler, but I wouldn't have it any other way. In my twenties and for some of my thirties, I was all over the place. I was also working and partying my time away.  Now that certainly wouldn't have been the time for me to bring a child into this world. Now I have the privilege of being on a career break and I have time to spend with my child that I wouldn't have had at an earlier age.

I have been called 'crazy' and 'mad' to embark on motherhood in my forties.  I don't think that I am either of those things, but maybe, just maybe, there is a grain of truth in that, but only a grain.... a very small grain.....................

What do you think?  Am I? Am I?

Saturday, February 11, 2012

This isn't me!

This isn't me!  Or at least, it wasn't me!

I am not, or at least, I was not, one of those timid women who cowered in the face of adversity.  I have always been able to say what I think and admonish where admonishment was needed. So, I am exasperated at my own behaviour in our local park the other day.  Indeed, it has infuriated me so much, that I am still admonishing myself about it!

Let me fill you in on what happened!

I am sitting on the bench, happily watching my little boy mucking around with some other kids on the swings and slides. He is getting mucky as it had been raining earlier and the ground is wet.  I just sit there smiling because he is enjoying himself. I exchange the odd pleasantry with another mother.  I am enjoying myself  too.  Then, out of nowhere, our fun is ruined.

Three teenage boys hoist themselves up onto the bigger slide and sit at the top smoking. Our children are playing just underneath as one of the boys flicks his ash down towards them.  I am incensed and get up to caution them but they don't care. I ask them politely to move to let the children play and to find somewhere else to hang out.   The expletives and obscenities showered upon me are too horrible to repeat. One of them poured a can of lager down the slide and made a rude gesture at me.

The other mother gathered her children and left immediately and, after a little hesitation, I did the same. I did not want my child to witness any more of their vulgarity. And I am ashamed to say, that I was also very scared.

I wish, in that situation, that I had been like I was before I became a mother.  Back then, I would have challenged them more.  I would have been angrier.  I would not have been so scared. I would  not have just walked away. But these days, the fear rises inside me like bile, and I worry that I would not be around for my little boy, if something were to happen.

I am a forty something first time mum and I want to be around for my son for as long as I can.  This is what motivates me to avoid danger these days.  That's what I want to think anyway.  My mother says that she feels like this nearly all the time.  She thinks the older you get the more vulnerable you get and the more fearful you get.

I would love to know what others think and what others would have done in this situation. Did I do the right thing?