Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Brave, Mad, Selfish?

I have written about it before but I find myself doing it yet again.   Of course, the 'it' is always something that gets into my head, so writing about it here really helps to get it out again.

The other day the 'it' was being harassed by teenagers in the playground as I tried to have fun with my son
http://fortysomethingfirsttimemum.blogspot.com/2012/02/this-isnt-me.html  and today the 'it' is me being branded  crazy for having a first baby in my forties. This, from someone who had all their children by the time they were twenty five. This person is adamant that her way was the right way, not allowing for circumstances, different strokes for different folks or indeed, fate.

This is where I wrote about it before http://www.thewmparentingconnection.com/2010/06/brave-and-selfish-by-claire-hegarty.html and I still feel the same way. I was delighted to receive so many supportive comments on the subject at the time and I really appreciated reading them. It is even better when someone who has done it a completely different way still is open minded enough to realise that their way is not the only way it should be!

You will better understand where I am coming from if you read this http://flowerpowermom.com/over-40-mom-blogs-from-ireland/  and http://www.inseasonmom.org/FeaturedMom.html


Sometimes, I do wish that I had done things differently.  Sometimes, I  do wish that I had had children when I was younger.  Sometimes, I do wish that my mind was not so set against the idea for so long.  But mostly I wish that people who have done things differently didn't feel the need to pass judgement that anything different to what they think about it is so wrong.

I may be a forty five year old first time mother (almost forty six) of a four year old toddler, but I wouldn't have it any other way. In my twenties and for some of my thirties, I was all over the place. I was also working and partying my time away.  Now that certainly wouldn't have been the time for me to bring a child into this world. Now I have the privilege of being on a career break and I have time to spend with my child that I wouldn't have had at an earlier age.

I have been called 'crazy' and 'mad' to embark on motherhood in my forties.  I don't think that I am either of those things, but maybe, just maybe, there is a grain of truth in that, but only a grain.... a very small grain.....................

What do you think?  Am I? Am I?

23 comments:

  1. I'm really sorry this happened to you. It's never fun being on the receiving end of judgement! There are good and bad things about being a mom in your 20's just as there are with being a mom in your 40's. We're all still moms and we all still need support.

    When you had children doesn't affect anyone else so it shouldn't matter to them. You are blessed to have a beautiful child. Stand firm in that blessing with a spirit of gratitude that is so large, it's impervious to anyone else's opinions.

    I'm a new follower visiting from the blog hop! Would love it if you dropped by to follow back. Have a great day! :)

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  2. Thanks for the comment. And I love what you have to say! Love the title of your blog too! I'll pop over for a visit!

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  3. I had kids in my 20's, the first when I was 24. Some people, many people thought I was too young, and hadn't lived enough yet. Frankly, I had done plenty of 'living' and since my husband was older and ready for a child we went for it. I honestly didn't have anything better to do, and only knew, career-wise that I wanted to be a mother first. My best childood friend has had both her girls in her 40's, one only last November. While she sometimes wonders why she waited so long, her husband needed to be ready and they feel very blessed now with their beautiful girls. Who's to say when is the 'right' time? I'm glad you are enjoying your little guy as much as you are. Not all moms appreciate their children so much.

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    1. Yes Rebecca S. I have a friend who waited and waited for the 'right time' and now her chance is gone......

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  4. totally agree with above comment. there is no right time - its when you feel ready to embark on parent hood. theres no way I could have had kids in my twenties - I was too selfish a person!

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    1. I hear you Older Mum. I was too selfish and too screwed up! Not a good combination! :)

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  5. I'm another one who feels that having a child in my twenties would not have been the best thing. I think that I would have gotten divorced and would have been stressed out and struggling.

    That's what I "think."

    But actually, we have no way of knowing, do we? It's possible that we could have been blessed with a very loving and mature man, and that our children would have transformed us into the moms that we are now.

    So many factors dictate our lives as moms. Every situation is different. I haven't met a mom yet who hasn't experienced frustration, regardless of age. On the other hand, every good mom loves her child/children and has no regrets for having them.

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    1. True, we have now way of knowing at all!

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  6. I think that people can have babies at different ages. For some being in their 20s is best, for lots waiting is better. Good luck and enjoy your toddler.

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    1. As they say, 'different strokes for different folks'

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  7. I have decided to try to comment at least once to those who have marked that they followed my blog and thus you get to be number one...aren't you just thrilled? I think being a mother at any age is the most demanding job on earth and therefore, whenever you decide to do it, you should be totally supported by your community. Both the young mothers and the older mothers must make compromises in their lives and will make mistakes based on their age...but having a loving child makes up for it all. Yes, I am a believer that the twenty-somethings should be the first time mothers...but I also believe a lot of other stuff that doesn't fit with others' beliefs so I keep my mouth shut. I am hardly an expert at this, and won't even know the answers on my death bed.

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    1. Tabor, I like what you say when you say 'but I also believer a lot of other stuff that doesn't fit with others beliefs so I keep my mouth shut'. I try to do the same or at least express my beliefs and allow others to express theirs without judgement! We all have different paths in life!

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  8. Thank you for following me. I was 39 this year xx

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    1. Your are welcome Liska. Ah, 39! So young! Tee Hee. I remember it well!

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  9. Like everyone says, there's no universally right time. But I do think that if your body is still allowing you to conceive and carry a baby, then you're obviously at the right age to be having a baby!! It's as simple as that!

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  10. I agree with the above comments! I also think there is never a perfect time; women who have mapped out their path very clearly(married, house, kids in that order) still find motherhood as challenging as those of us who did things differently!

    BTW, you look super in your profiler! No worn out mammy there :)

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    1. Aw,Lady Grey. That's so nice of you to say! It might be just a good photo of me though! Tee Hee.

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