I have written about it before but I find myself doing it yet again. Of course, the 'it' is always something that gets into my head, so writing about it here really helps to get it out again.
The other day the 'it' was being harassed by teenagers in the playground as I tried to have fun with my son
http://fortysomethingfirsttimemum.blogspot.com/2012/02/this-isnt-me.html and today the 'it' is me being branded crazy for having a first baby in my forties. This, from someone who had all their children by the time they were twenty five. This person is adamant that her way was the right way, not allowing for circumstances, different strokes for different folks or indeed, fate.
This is where I wrote about it before http://www.thewmparentingconnection.com/2010/06/brave-and-selfish-by-claire-hegarty.html and I still feel the same way. I was delighted to receive so many supportive comments on the subject at the time and I really appreciated reading them. It is even better when someone who has done it a completely different way still is open minded enough to realise that their way is not the only way it should be!
You will better understand where I am coming from if you read this http://flowerpowermom.com/over-40-mom-blogs-from-ireland/ and http://www.inseasonmom.org/FeaturedMom.html
Sometimes, I do wish that I had done things differently. Sometimes, I do wish that I had had children when I was younger. Sometimes, I do wish that my mind was not so set against the idea for so long. But mostly I wish that people who have done things differently didn't feel the need to pass judgement that anything different to what they think about it is so wrong.
I may be a forty five year old first time mother (almost forty six) of a four year old toddler, but I wouldn't have it any other way. In my twenties and for some of my thirties, I was all over the place. I was also working and partying my time away. Now that certainly wouldn't have been the time for me to bring a child into this world. Now I have the privilege of being on a career break and I have time to spend with my child that I wouldn't have had at an earlier age.
I have been called 'crazy' and 'mad' to embark on motherhood in my forties. I don't think that I am either of those things, but maybe, just maybe, there is a grain of truth in that, but only a grain.... a very small grain.....................
What do you think? Am I? Am I?