Sunday, May 30, 2010

Summer afternoon - summer afternoon; to me those have always been the two most beautiful words in the English language. ~Henry James

We have had sunshiny weather all last week, excluding yesterday. It is amazing the effect the weather has on people and I include myself in that. The neighbours have been hanging out on the green that sits in the middle of our group of houses. I have been having lots of chat and my little man has been getting plenty of exercise running about with the other kiddies. The social element is as uplifting as the sunshine.

Today all four of us went to the park and the Botanic Gardens, hubby, son, mother and me . We had a wonderful time, just strolling in the sunshine and smiling at people. We had an interesting conversation with an old man who said the sunny weather just made him want to talk to people. I knew exactly what he meant!

We got talking to another mother who had a little girl about the same age as our son and a new born baby, seven weeks old. She was forty four. It's nice to know there are other people out there who have managed to have babies in their fourth decade of life.

Yesterday was the odd day out in recent times as it was dull and dreary. The garden cats looked bedraggledly forlorn as they gathered outside for their mealtimes. The green in front of our houses was sorrily empty. There was nobody except ourselves to talk to.

As the week comes to an end and another one begins, I am excited about what it will bring. Hopefully more sunny afternoons.............

All the best to you!

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Do All Mums do this?

Song is what feelings sound like. ~Author Unknown

I don't know if it's just me or if it's something that all mothers do.

Since my little boy came into the world, I find myself singing songs and directing them all at him. When I was a younger, more starry eyed girlie, the songs would automatically bring my significant other to mind. I would sing along to soppy love songs thinking only of him.

Now I think of my little boy who truly is the 'sunshine of my life'

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

As young or old as you feel

You are as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fear; as young as your hope, as old as your despair. ~Douglas MacArthur

I started a beginners yoga class last week. It is something I have been interested in doing for a while but have not made the effort to do. I had tried some classes with my brother and his wife many years ago but had felt self conscious and out of place at that time.

Since I have restarted my practice of positive thinking and put into practice some of the Laws of Attraction (google it if you don't know what I mean!), it's amazing how things I want are coming my way. Okay, I did not want the sciatica that I have mysteriously developed but if I hadn't had that and mentioned it to my neighbour, then she might not have mentioned the yoga class to me.

My neighbour is in her sixties though you wouldn't guess it and amazingly our yoga teacher is in in her seventies. I was stunned by this information as she looks much much younger. She started to talk about something she had done fifty years ago and I am sure my mouth fell open. I have since heard that she has a son in her fifities and a mother in her nineties. The classes are relaxing, interesting and totally suitable for a forty something beginner with back problems. The classes are a mixture of Hatha and remedial yoga and there is a creche attached so my little man gets an hour and a half of play with other children his own age.

The most interesting thing for me though, is that our teacher only started yoga in her forties. She positively radiates health and warmth to everyone in the room. I aspire to be like that at this age, never mind when I am in my seventies!

I came to most things later in life than a lot of my peers, including carving out a decent career. I know now that this had to do with my lack of self esteem and self worth. In my late thirties after doing some work on myself, I learned to drive and swim, overcame dental phobia and started my own dogwalking and petsitting business (on hold for the moment). The confidence surge from doing all this and from practicing positivity has now led me onto this next wonderful stage.

I always thought once you hit forty, the interesting parts of life were pretty much over! I am thrilled to find that is far from the case. I only have to look at myself as an example. I am a forty something first time mum (on career break from great job), blogger, business person, phobic killer, yoga student and hopefully a life long learner!

All the best to you. Positive. Positive. Positive.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Fruit tastes nicer on a cake!

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie. ~Jim Davis

While on a quest to feed my two and a half year old son healthy foods, I am trying to eat more fruit and vegetables myself. I still find however, that fruit tastes nicer when atop a nice piece of cheescake or encased in a crusty pastry! This probably explains why I am about two stone overweight but - still looking good -I hasten to add! (positive attitude kicking in!).

As a forty something first time mum, I figure I need all the energy I can get and a good diet and exercise is part of that. Unfortunately, I am not as prolific with either one as I would like to be. Despite my new positive attitude, I am in pain at the moment and also struggling with the comfort eating thing. I am sure some of you out there can feel my pain! Still, I am persevering with the mind over matter theory, knowing this makes things better. What's the point of complaining all the time unless it's to someone who can help.

The eating things started off very well with my little man. He used to eat everything including spinach and broccoli but in the past few months he has become very fussy. He won't even eat nice things like flavoured jelly and he hates chocolate. If I give him green veg, he says 'don't wike gwass' (don't like grass) and if I give him anything with chocolate in it he says 'dutty' (dirty). I even gave him chocolate chip ice cream as a treat the other day but he proceeded to spit out all the bits! He doesn't take after his mother when it comes to chocolate, that's for sure.

At the moment he is living on egg, toast, yoghurt, crackers, cheese and ham. He will eat pasta the odd time but not if it's shells instead of squiggles. He drinks a lot of milk and water and he loves fresh orange juice with no pips. I am hoping he is getting enough nutrition from what he is eating and will resume eating normally at some point. Some books say if he doesn't eat what you put in front of him, to take it away and he will eat what he is given when he is hungry. Other books and sites say that it's important for him to be eating something so give him what he likes. I tend to do this as I don't want him going to bed hungry!

With a myriad of sites and information to choose from, it can all be a bit confusing. I may be a forty something mum but I am still a first time mum and still learning. I feel sometimes that because I am older, people are surprised that I don't know it all!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Wrinkles don't hurt!

There is always a lot to be thankful for, if you take the time to look. For example, I'm sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. ~Author Unknown

Well, all I can say is that it's a blessing that wrinkles don't hurt! Because everything else does at the moment.

I don't think I can blame my aches and pains on the fact that I am a forty something first time mum as I know quite a few who are in pretty good shape! I think it's more the years of abuse I gave my body leading up to my forties. The overeating and partying lifestyle seemed like a good idea at the time but boy, am I paying for it now.

I suppose I am lucky that even though I was pregnant at the age of forty one, none of these ailments manifested until quite recently. I do think that my new positive attitude is helping me a lot though as I think in the past I would have just curled up in bed and cried. Also the fact that my little son makes me laugh every day is a big factor. Late motherhood doesn't come without its problems but with such a lovely child around, anything is bearable.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Tribute album to mothers over 40

This was sent to me the other day and I just had to share it.

This is the first Tribute Album to honor and show appreciation for mothers having children after 40.

If you like the message, please share it with your friends, work and other contacts. Everyone is just one or two degrees of separation from an over-40 mom.



For the Tribute Album, click here:

With gratitude,

Angel La Liberte, Founder FPM

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Happy Mothers Day to those who celebrate it today!

Many of my friends are celebrating mothers day today. We here in Ireland celebrated it in March.

The above quote is true for many people but not for all. Quite a few of my friends didn't get on with their mothers growing up and still don't. I can't for the life of me imagine that sort of scenario. Sure, my mother and I had our ups and downs not to mention shouting matches! I don't know how she put up with me as a teenager but we got through it intact. We are best of friends now and I am so glad she is around. I am also glad that she got to meet my little boy who is now two and a half and who loves her a lot. Sure, she still says things that annoy me but I choose to let them go, most of the time.

I think we even share a telepathic streak. I remember when I lived away from home in a different country. I was going through a very emotional time and hadn't stopped crying for a couple of days. I hadn't told my mother anything about it. I remember drinking beer and lying on my bed all night sobbing into mounds of pink tissues. The next morning I had an early phone call from my anxious mother who hadn't slept all night She had had a very strong dream about me, in which I was lying on a bed covered in pink flowers!!!

I love Mothers day now. It used to be a day for celebrating my own mother and of course it still is. But now I get to celebrate it myself and it truly is a most gratifying thing. I still cannot believe that I am lucky enough to be the mother of this beautiful boy. I just love to hear him calling me each morning or indeed any time of day. 'Mammy, Mammy' the most beautiful words ever to be heard by these ears!

All the best to you and thanks for reading
Positive. Positive. Positive.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Go For It!

A man would do nothing if he waited until he could do it so well that no one could find fault. ~John Henry Newman

When starting my blog last week, the above quote came to mind. I was speaking to someone about the art of personal blogging.

I call it the art of personal blogging because I think, like art, it comes from the heart of the creator. The person I was speaking to said they would be afraid to do a personal blog and make it public because they couldn't write well enough. I remembered John Henry Newman's quote and decided I would go ahead with my plan. I think no matter what we choose to do in life there will always be people who agree with us and people who disagree with us. There will always be positive people and people who can find nothing but fault with things. I know which one I would rather be!

As a forty something first time mum, I have done most things in my life later than many of my peers including having a baby! I had very bad self worth issues in my twenties and thirties. Now there is a new and improved me in my life! I am determined to decide what I want and then just go for it! I hope you will join with me and do the same.

All the best to you and thanks for reading
Positive. Positive. Positive.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

More like thirty four?

I had a funny experience in the local shop this morning. I am still chuckling.

As we made our way around the shelves, an elderly lady stopped to chat. She asked my little boy what his name was and he duly told her. Then she asked him where he lived and he looked at her as if she should know and said 'our house'. Then she asked him how old he was and he first said 'two half' then he looked at me and shouted 'forty four! The lady looked at me and said 'somehow I don't think your mother is forty four'. I smiled at her and she said 'More like thirty four'

I was delighted of course. But now I am sitting here thinking because she is so much older, everyone probably looks younger than they are. My mother says, the older she gets, the more impossible she finds it to put ages on people.

Still, it makes a nice change.

All the best to you and thanks for reading.
Positive. Positive. Positive.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Don't Worry, Be Happy

Well, I am feeling decidedly happy this morning even though it is a dull and dreary day outside and there is a huge magpie sitting just outside my window!

My little boy goes to playschool with a lovely lady nearby, two mornings a week for a few hours. When he knows he is going there he cheers and sings, he is so happy about it! It's beneficial to both of us as he gets to play with other kids and learn new things. As a forty something first time mum, I haven't produced any siblings for him. I am also enjoying the time being able to do a bit of work from home and reacquaint myself with various technologies!

I woke up with pain in my buttock and leg this morning and dosing myself with difene and paracetemol hasn't really helped. However, I determined that I would use my mind over matter positive techniques and although the pain is still there, it is working. Driving my little man to school I decided we would sing something positive in the car and psyche ourselves up to have a wonderful day.

I sang 'Don't Worry, Be Happy' rounding off with a bit of his beloved cheering ,'hip hip hooray' three times. My little chap loved it and was singing along. By the time we got to his playschool, he was running up the path cheering. It made us both so happy and I went away smiling.

I still am!

All the best to you and thanks for reading.
Positive. Positive. Positive.

Monday, May 3, 2010


Well, really not much to say about this video except that it gives a lot to think about.

All the best to you.
Positive. Positive. Positive.

This lady is amazing and definitely over forty!

Someone posted this video on facebook a while back and I just had repost it and put it on my blog.

Isn't this woman just amazing? You can feel the serenity and peacefulness of her aura as she speaks. You can see how flexible she still is at her age.

If this is what yoga and leading a life of mindfulness and positivity can do for you, shouldn't we all be at it? I tried yoga myself a few times in the past and found it tremendously relaxing and calming. The only problem was I didn't seem to get any more flexible even after two courses of 8 lessons and just couldn't progress to the shoulder stand etc. I have never been able to stand on my head. It used to be a confidence thing. Now it's more like 'my body is failing me' thing!

I woke up in January with an excruciating pain from my left buttock down my leg to my foot. Even putting my foot to the ground was agony.The doctor diagnosed sciatica and prescribed difene and paracetemol and it eased off after a few days. Sadly however, I woke up with it again last Sunday. It's still as bad today even though I am on medication again.

I also had pains in my chest at the beginning of this year. It really worried me as I have a high cholesterol (on meds for it), a hereditary condition from my father. (Thanks Dad for the legacy!!). As he had a heart attack in his forties, I panicked. A subsequent ecg/stress test showed abnormality so I went into hospital for an angiogram. Thankfully my arteries were clear but as the consultant said, if I don't look after my health now, I may need his services in the future. With that out of the way, I still have this sciatica to deal with. Hopefully my new positive attitude will carry me through!

As the doctor said, once you hit your forties, any health issues that you are genetically subsceptible to are apt to come out. I thought I was a very healthy forty something first time mum but now I am finding my body is starting to exhibit symptoms of illnesses my parents had and have! Dad, who sadly has passed on now, had heart problems from his forties to his seventies although he eventually died of bowel cancer. Mam has asthma and osteo arthritis and sciatica!! She also has a positive attitude and is always out partying and making friends. Hopefuly cultivating this mind set and focusing on people like the lady above will help me to continue being a happy and nurturing mum even though I happen to be an older one!

All the best to you and thanks for reading.
Positive. Positive. Positive.

So touching...

I saw this video and it really touched my heart. I decided to repost it on FaceBook and also here on my blog.

As a forty something first time mother, I am so pleased that my mum is still around to see the child I thought I would never have. As I have been fortunate enough not to have to work outside the home at the moment, she gets to spend lots of time with us both. Its a blessing in disguise in some ways that I had my child so late in life as it has enabled me to be around for her. Because I am not tied to the confines of a 9 to 5 job at the moment, I am available to take her to her many doctor and hospital appointments. She is 77 this year and has some health problems. In saying that, she also has a positive attitude, friends and interests in life. There is one thing that really gets to me though and that is, that she is constantly repeating herself! She tells me the same things every time she sees me. I try and try to be nice about it and mostly I am. Sometimes however, I just blow and lose my cool like the son in this video. I am consumed with guilt every time I do it and now this clipfrequently comes to mind.

It brought tears to the eyes of a friend of mine who recently lost her mother. Her mother talked about birds a lot. A few weeks ago, while at the zoo with the kids, a little robin landed on the table beside us and then sat up in a tree above us. It reminded her of her mum and I like to think it was a message for my friend telling her that her mum is okay and not to feel guilty about anything. I had seen this video ages ago and it actually came to mind when we talked about her mum that day. I searched it out and decided to put it up here on my blog and repost it on facebook.

All the best to you and thanks for reading.
Positive. Positive. Positive.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

A Mum is born!

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. The woman existed but the mother never. The mother is something absolutely new" Rajneesh

I love the above quotation. I came across it recently and it really spoke to me as a first time mother. I guess, it holds true for first time fathers too.

I existed as a woman with my many interests and needs and now I exist with a whole new side to my womanhood. In fact, for the first two years of my little boy's life, I pushed my interests and needs unwittingly into the background. Unwittingly is the relevant word here. I didn't realise that I was focusing so much on my child that I kind of lost myself. I was lucky enough to be able to take a career break from work to concentrate on him. As a forty something first time mother I felt I would like to spend as much time as possible with him. I would definitely need to have the energy for that too!

Now that I am more practiced in being a mum, or 'Mammy' as we say here, I realise that I can combine the two. In fact, happy as I am, being completely fulfilled will be a bonus to everyone in my life!

All the best to you and thanks for reading.
Positive. Positive. Positive.

A Mum at last!

As you can guess from the title of this blog, I am a forty something first time mum. Or as we say here in Ireland 'Mam' or 'Mammy'.

I am writing this blog for therapeutic purposes and to reach out to other more mature mothers. It can be a lonely business being a forty something first time mum.I want to 'speak' to others about my experiences and hopefully hear of the experience of others. As time goes on, I also hope to provide helpful information and tips on our situation.

Many of my peers have older and even fully grown children. Others have none at all.  I attended  a mother and toddler group when my little boy was really young. The facilitator asked me if I was my two year old son's 'nana' (grandmother)! My illusions that I looked pretty good for forty two, as I was at the time, were shattered.. I had read of the terms  'ageorexia' and 'fatorexia' and wondered if they referred to me. When I looked in the mirror I saw a fairly slim young one looking back at me!! I didn't sign up for the next leg of the group as it reminded me that I am indeed a bit of an oldie. Most of the other mothers and fathers were at least ten years younger than me.

Maybe you are wondering, if I am so worried about being an older mum, why I left it so late? The answer I will give now is I really do not know. The answer I would have given in my twenties and thirties about not having children would have been that I did not want to be poor, trapped and miserable. After all, that's what had happened to my mother for part of her life, not to mention some of my peers, who had children at a young age. And so, I spent my twenties and thirties in a partying haze, pushing kids to the very bottom of my list.

Even when I married at age 34, I wasn't that keen on having children. Luckily, my other half did not pressurise me or seem to mind too much. In fact, he once said he thought I was too immature to have kids! The pot and the kettle come to mind in that regard! We both had good full time jobs and enjoyed going away, drinking and going out for meals. I didn't believe in the biological clock either or that it would ever tick for me. What a shock I was in for!

At around age 38 , I suddenly started to take a big interest in my nieces and nephews. Although I loved them, I really couldn't be bothered before. My brothers never asked me to babysit much and everyone said I preferred animals to kids! I guess, in hindsight, it would have seemed that way, but deep down I think I was just trying to avoid the whole issue. I had issues around childbirth and parenthood for sure. I couldn't even bear to hear about childbirth or watch a scene on TV involving it. I felt it was a humiliating and degrading experience for the woman and that as usual the man got off scot free. It really scared me when I started to ogle babies in their prams, and wonder what it would be like to have a child of my own! What was happening to me? Had I been wrong about the biological clock because it sure seemed to have started ticking for me, however late.

I started to feel I wanted a child and my husband started to feel the same. We tried, but unfortunately nothing happened except a miscarriage. I didn't even realise that was what it was at the time so ignorant of all things of that ilk was I! As time went on and I hit the age of forty, I decided to forget about the whole idea. By that stage I felt that it was probably my own fault that I could not conceive and carry a child. I had spent the best part of 38 years saying I did not want children.I had completely shunned the whole idea. Now it seemed as if my body was responding in kind. I remember someone saying to me at that time, that since I was forty, I might as well face the fact I would never have kids. I was sad but decided to get on with life and not think about it. Parenthood is not the path for everyone and it is not in everyone's life journey.  I thought that was probably the case with me.I didn't want to go down the ivf route as I had seen before how it takes over peoples lives.  I went part time in my day job, set up my own dogwalking and petsitting business and felt for the most part content with my life.

Then, at the age of 41, it happened! I was pregnant! And whats more I was over three months gone before I even realised. I had lost track of my cycle because I had put it out of my mind. I was not sick and had no other symptoms. In fact, I felt great and had loads of energy. It was only when my husband asked me if I had been keeping tabs on my cycle because he hadn't heard me complaining about it for yonks, that it even crossed my mind. I was soooooooooo happy when the test came up positive. In fact, two tests and the one at the doctors came up positive, positive, positive!!

Other people were shocked and urged me to have all manner of tests done because of my age. I went for some private counselling just to be sure it was something we could handle. We then decided that we would forego the tests and just accept whatever and whoever was sent to us. I just knew then, that even if those tests had showed up any abnormalities we were ready for it. Some would say you are never ready for that and I know the reality might be different but at the time we felt that way. Thankfully, all was perfect and in November 2007 our beautiful son was born. It really was the best day of my life! Now I knew what people meant.

If I had known before what I found out that day and what I know now, I would have tried to have children a lot earlier. I realise now that even if it did cause me to be trapped, that having a child is a wonderful, beautiful blessing. In fact, parenthood has not trapped or frightened me in any way. Of course it has and will have it's challenges but so far it is a bonus and an enhancement to my life.I can speak for my husband there too.

Since then, I have wanted another child really badly. I have a strong longing for that but I also wanted it for my little son. I would like him to have a sibling so that having older parents won't be a burden to him in later life. Sadly, I had a miscarriage last year age 43 and it was devastating. We are so so so thankful for the child we have and I am so grateful my body clock ticked loudly and woke me up before it really was too late!

In my wildest dreams, I never thought I would become a forty something first time mum but here I am!!! Yippee!!

If you are an older mum or 'later mum' as I have heard it termed, I would love to hear your experiences and comments.  

All the best to you and thanks for reading.
Positive. Positive. Positive.